A wanderer's musings

Stardust the turn of the hour

2006-09-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

Standing on the cusp of the universe, the wanderer looks forward and back- from the honeyed memories of what has past to the trembling anticipation of the uncertain future.

Stardust falls, tears of the sky.
Weeping for those who have passed,
Lives which will never pass.

Moonbeams smile, looking from on high.
Hoping for those who have dreams,
Lives young and still full of questions.

Rainclouds mull, hesitant and weary.
Holding their cargo, in trust for those below.
Lives parched blessing rain, lives drowned cursing flood.

Sea birds soar, their compass in their blood.
Worried for their next meal, dreaming bird dreams.
Lives destroyed by man's child, Progress.

Zenith and Nadir, light and dark.
Humanity will pass in a heartbeat of the Universe.
Is industry not the fear of death disguised,
Just as progress be a cloak for vanity?

Perhaps. And therein lies the best answer of our ten millenia.

Erratic, psychotic, neurotic.

2006-09-06T23:43:00.000+08:00

**Depressed**

Am I addicted to industry?

I did 'nothing' today and felt so unhappy. 'Nothing' has been an unhappy part of my routine of late. Drowsy, I took a catnap from 5-6pm and felt distinctly unsatisfied, with the nagging doubt that i should be doing something more productive with the minutes of my life.

Why do we struggle each day? To put food on the table, to seek affirmation, to better ourselves, to work for the Great Cause of advancing human civilisation? Filling in one Form 13B at a time.

Many times in the last few days I was pondering something along these lines and just before dinner, I decided to look up one of my favourite poems by Yeats which I used to read aloud to myself on quiet evenings during NS. Maybe i'm a soppy romantic, but I really felt better after reading it aloud... there's something mystically theraputic about hearing and reading beautiful verse.

An Irish Airman Foresees His Death

I know that I shall meet my fate

Somewhere among the clouds above;

Those that I fight I do not hate,

Those that I guard I do not love;

My country is Kiltartan Cross,

My countrymen Kiltartan's poor,

No likely end could bring them loss

Or leave them happier than before.

No law, nor duty bade me fight,

Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,

A lonely impulse of delight

Drove to this tumult in the clouds;

I balanced all, brought all to mind,

The years to come seemed waste of breath,

A waste of breath the years behind

In balance with this life, this death.

So often I have looked behind, to lament or reminisce.
Of late I have feared to look forward, oft not cherishing the prospects of the 'morrow.
Where did my outlook go, that I became so dark and gloomy? To live in the moment was something I thought I could do. As I watch the seconds of my life trickle by, I ask myself whether i'm spending my youth chasing success only to risk later forsaking the fruits of success in futile pursuit of youth and paradise lost.

Odd mood today.

Randomness on adrenaline

2006-09-06T02:43:00.000+08:00

Went to receive my sis from the airport at 1am this morning. Compensated for the unearthly landing time with some Burger King therapy... onion rings at midnight make a special treat.

This is supposed to be a map of the countries in the world i have visited after rigourous interrogation by a series of tick-boxes.

create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide

Pity about the middle east right now... would be nice to see that part of the Ancient World.

I am hungry.

MRT Thoughts

2006-09-05T01:19:00.000+08:00

Sent the car in for servicing recently and found myself travelling on the MRT train at 12pm for lunch with Dad.

As I sat comfortably in the centre middle seat of the carriage (the one where you can rest your head against the vertical window bar), I noticed a caucasian boy, probably no older than 10 by his height, standing in the middle of the cabin. The kid at first appeared unexceptional- typical attire and look of the child of an expatriat. Then I noticed something which gave me much food for thought.

The kid was carrying his own gear. A musical instrument in a hard case was slung back-pack style across his pack; my money says its a violin. In addition to that, he had a fair sized sling bag containing whatever accoutrements violin-playing kids of his age carry with them while travelling on the MRT. The thing was... he was CARRYING them himself while his Mum sat in a seat slightly further down the cabin.

Now maybe i'm guilty of rose-tinted glasses, but I seem to remember too many occasions observing 'local' parents and their children of similar age on the MRT and Bus.... few in my memory involved the kid carrying their own things and none had the kids looking so straight backed as this chap. I've seen mothers towing huge shopping bags containing toys while their precious little darling skipped ahead to annoy random passengers with their hyperactivity. I've seen little angels-turned-demons throw tantrums when their grandma gets a seat and they dont. This lad was a soldier who carried his own gear and he bore it without complaint, nor expectation of help from the adult.

Singaporeans (especially of the "Auntie" and pensive-26-year-old-variety) often lament why our kids are going soft, why our young lack willpower and drive, why every generation seems less in this or that way than the ones before. I have no sage answer for that, since I'm no doubt partly a product of this weakening bloodline myself; but this boy on the train had clearly been taught from a young age to take some responsibility for his own gear and burdens. He stood like a minature "Digger" (a World War One icon of a long-suffering and self-dependent soldier) at all of his 4 ft in height, proud to bear his burdens but seemingly most proud that he didn't have to trouble his mum to carry his things for him.

41 years on, we still got a long way to go Singapore.

Turtle invasion

2006-09-05T00:52:00.000+08:00

I have never been a fan of the late Steve Irwin, the croc hunter. Best that i declare that now. Yet, i find myself moved by the outpouring of compassion among the denizens of my online MSN list.

Was listening to the BBC World Service in the car, driving home this evening when i learnt of Irwin's passing at the hands of a stingray (apparently stung in the chest, which must account at least partially for the fatality). I didn't think alot of it at the time; famous people die every day... Nellie Connally, the last surviving passenger of JFK's final car journey and the American western star Glenn Ford karked it this week too. (BBC is good for this kind of news it seems).

Anyhow, when i logged onto MSN I saw half my contact list inundated with little green turtle emoticons, in respectful (though not always sombre) memory of Irwin's passing. Despite his quirky, often suicidal, brand of pro-conservation animal encounters, it seems that the Croc Hunter had endeared himself to a fair number of people. The mean part of me wants to scream out "He had it coming, going about kissing flesh eating wombats and all that", but I have to admit that he has a courage to go about doing that which I don't think I have myself.

There is an old Australian compliment to describe someone who sticks through hardship and difficulty, striving to succeed through industry in compensation for difficult personal/financial/socio-economic circumstances. They are called "Battlers". While I feel fairly confident that Irwin, by the time of his passing, was never short of lunch money, I still think he lived a life along the path-less-travelled according to his passion, which in my book gets a salute.

For one who waltzed with death for the entertainment of children and adults alike (every week...), I (in my skepticism) don't believe his final passing was as peaceful as the media release claimed. What are the final thoughts of such a man, who has lived life on the knife edge, even if it was in showmanship? We may never know.

Back to the Future

2006-09-05T00:50:00.000+08:00

Yes, been away long long time.

Yes, been bugged to update many many time.

Yes, am glad to be back... watch this space.

Hail and well met

2005-10-31T22:45:00.000+08:00

Ho ho ho.... almost a month since i was last on, but with this one token post i get the avoid missing 'october' in my blog archives.

Gee, feels like my maths homework undone... had so many things happen this month.

Ok, no space or energy for a blow-by-blow account, but here's basically what happened:

7-9th October and 14-16 October.
LLTC "B" and LLTC "Z" for St Joseph's and St Patrick's respectively.

Two weekends of camp, but boy were they fun. I got to teach the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People during one camp, that was good for learning names and getting to know people better. Tested some secretariat methods, learnt some new tricks and generally had a wonderful time with the Facilitators on the Organising Team. LLTC Z was rather... unique... Despite being a one-off smaller scale affair, it yeilded some very good insights which we must learn from and put into action for future operations. Good learning, left unreflected and unacted upon, will be wasted.

Most of October I was down really bad with something called a Micoplasma chest infection. Sounds pretty profound, but what it really did was render me horribly incapacitated and wracking with fever on the bed for more than a few days. Have been on no less than three different (and progressively powerful) courses of anti-biotics and only just (yesterday) finished my final course.

Needless to say, i feel *much* better now but am 1) totally out of condition from all the sitting on my butt (i get a little puffed when climbing more than 5 stories of stairs) and 2) getting pale and fair enough to qualify for the gu niang club again.

NIE exams and assessment month is also a flavour of October, so with deadlines rushing to meet me like a train approaching in a tunnel, i plod on.

I had something more cranial to blog tonight, but after two slices of ice-cream cake from Swensons earlier this evening (all your fault Zhao Jia!!!), i'm not in a state to discuss the intricacies of "Patriotism and nationalism in Singapore in the context of an increasingly globalized era". Perhaps another day...

My prayers of thanks are for Sec 3E1, 2E1 and 2E2 of BPSS who cleared their exams well. (and the sec 2s seemed to have come out of the level camp alive).

Prayers of hope are for the Sec 4s of SJI and SPS who sit for their Os in the near future.

~Ora et Labora~
~Potest qui vult~
~Reach and Excel~

Tuesday@NIE: Rant Warning!!

2005-09-27T14:05:00.000+08:00

Why I am here? It's a beautiful sunny day outside and I'm hiding in the air-conditioned library of NIE after my morning classes. The reason? Because (unlike at Melbourne University) if one started sunbathing on the lawn of your university campus (no matter how beautiful the weather), the head librarian would likely appear like Mother Superior with ants in her habit and tell you to cover up. Actually, sometimes it seems like if you showed so much as the top of your ankle around the library, you'd get raised eyebrows. Besides, it's now winter in Melbourne so I doubt I'd go sunbathing.

Today it’s going to be a rant; everyone put your helmets on because there’s going to be some fire in the hold.

*helmet on*

My quibble today is primarily about the Canadian TV stand-up comedian, Messr Russel Peters.

Lest it be said that I don’t try to give him a fighting chance, here’s a link to his 45-minute video available online on the internet.

http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/000481.html

I should also alert readers to the fact that Mr Peters is wildly popular among his fans (or they wouldn’t be fans now would they?) and, in general, has proven his ability to make people from a wider diversity of English-speaking backgrounds laugh. Laughter per se is not a bad thing, I’m just worried about the subject of the humour.

“Oh Ben, you’re being a stick in the mud, a kill joy and a wet blanket”.

Yea, perhaps I am. But I find it in very poor taste to poke fun at ethnic groups’ peculiarities by exaggerating stereotypes and exploiting the school-yard bully complex. It's encouraging them to laugh at how other people are different from you (and thus become fair subject for ridicule). Is there ever a justified reason to belittle another person or group of people based on their differences from the commentator, even for the 'noble' purpose of humour? It might begin with humour, but when a subject becomes fair game for crude humour, our respect for that subject is diminished. With the lessening of respect for a subject, it gradually becomes more acceptable to progress from poking fun at it, to ridiculing it, to humiliating it, to condemning it. A lack of respect breeds ignorance, which breeds intolerance.

The twentieth century is rich in tragic examples of what intolerance, taken to extremes, can do to communities. That said, intolerance does not need to be taken to such extremes to do harm. The individual who is excluded from the playground game because they have big ears, green eyes, are good at science or who speak with an accent is no less hurt by intolerance than the minority group in any structured place who are subjected to the progressive nomenclature which goes:

“you have no place here, because you are different; because you are different, you are a lesser being; because you are a lesser being, your life is worth *less*; because your life is *worthless*, you [ultimately] do not deserve life”

There are defenses made in favour of Peters’ position. I’m not saying that his actions are indefensible though, no- that is not giving him credit for being humourous to some people. Still, none of the counter-arguments I’ve been able to find have held much water with me.

The ironic equality defence

“He’s equally insulting to every race / group, so it’s okay”.

In my opinion, that makes things even worse!

The premise behind this argument is to hide behind the façade of equality while perpetuating the same injustices to an even greater number of undeserving recipients, potentially encouraging uncritical audiences (especially impressionable ones) to see the world in stereotypes AND regard such stereotypes as acceptable subjects for disrespect.

The pyrric victory defence

“He even pokes fun at himself / his own group / his own race, so it’s okay”

Half a mark here; If someone subject others to a particular treatment but not themselves to that same treatment, we would clearly see the discrimination there.

However, where the treatment is a damaging one, is there virtue in priding the fact that one self-flagellates in the interest of fairness? One premise states that a respect for others first begins with a respect for the self. In romantic, humanistic thought, the individual is worthy of respect and their unique qualities are to be celebrated in the interest of human diversity and progress. Have we fallen so far in this brave new world of Materialism, MTV, MacDonalds and Mobile Phones that we feel that the individual’s sense of self esteem is no longer important? Or is it just that I'm stuck with outdated ideals from a bygone age and will be doomed to a life of bitter cynisicm, still a virgin at age 55 and (still) getting fat eating corn chips while reading Sir Walter Scott in bed? *sobz*

The laugh-doctor defence

“He makes people laugh, laughing is good for the soul, we should let people laugh where they can, cos the world sux. [so it’s okay]”

I’ll concede that we probably don’t laugh enough in our world today. I certainly know I don’t laugh enough myself; I am the one often accused of walking around with a steel rod firmly embedded somewhere in my anatomy. Good as the therapy of laughing may be though, I feel that there is an equal trap of becoming careless, callous and reckless in the topics we allow ourselves to derive humorous pleasure from.

Other rant on Reality TV

In an age of reality-television and extreme entertainment, do we allow ourselves to chuckle at the orchestrated situations on television, staged for our amusement (and the showbiz benefits to those ‘lucky’ participants) and then let those same paradigms of what is acceptable carry over from reality-television to reality itself?

Viewers hang on with nail-biting tension to the bitching, plotting and scheming of the Survivor series of shows. Were we not celebrating a failure to dialogue? Did the show itself not indicate an attitude that “there can be no mutual victory, it someone must be excluded from this group”. In today's era where the ability to dialogue to resolve disagreements and seeking a common victory is so important, I must question the practice of gleefully anticipating the next chance to see someone deliberately and systematically excluded from a group whose existence and hitherto existence depended on their team work, trust and co-operation. We are telling our children that it is better to get rid of part's that don't work as a first measure rather than to fix our own problems, even [and especially?] when those problems are inter-personal in nature.

Big Brother brought the ugliness of human cohabitation to the public eye and we in society lapped it up, not because we were strangers to domestic disputes or ugly household disagreements, but perhaps because we allowed ourselves to feel better about our own failings in life by consoling ourselves that others had the same problems too; and that made it all ok. No need to solve our problem then, because other people are just like us, and because everyone’s the same, that’s the way the world is, can’t change the world.

American / Singapore / Martian / Geriatric Idol is my pet peeve; we celebrate and fete the victors while ridiculing those who (for various reasons) were not chosen to progress further. Are we sending the message to impressionable viewers that victors should be worshipped while those who fell by the wayside are scum? That’s exactly the message that the scathing and ad hominem commentary from Idol judges sends. Never mind that those who didn’t score first place practiced just as hard as the winners, invested as much personal passion into the process or put their self-esteem on the line any less than those who won. It might well be that some people can’t carry a tune in a bucket (and, to be fair, some really can’t) but that does not and should not grant a judge (a so-called professional in the field) to engage in derogatory, almost insulting deconstruction of a contestant’s performance.

“All in the name of entertainment”, so the saying goes. “No hard feelings [really], it’s just for the TV ratings”

If the ‘standard’ of a civilisation is measured by the kinds of leisure and entertainment activities engaged in by its citizens, then we have all failed. Failed dismally. We aren’t feeding Christians to the Lions and charging $12 a seat for it ($8.50 for student concession and $6 on Tuesday afternoons!), but- call me a stick in the mud if you must- I have to believe that a genteel society is something that we can strive for… and achieve!!

The Smells of Jurong

2005-09-26T23:13:00.000+08:00

It’s Monday again, back to NIE.

The long travelling time aside, it’s quite a quaint place.

The faults and flaws of having one’s university campus situated in a place that feels like it’s half-way between Singapore and Kansas have been bandied around by NTU and NIE students like for generations (i.e more than one generation of students).

As I walk out of the house to the bus stop, my closet schizophreniac personality emerges and takes over and I discuss with myself the virtues of having a university campus in the back of beyond. To my surprise (and the surprise of my imaginary friend too!), we can actually find a few.

Allow us to list them.

1) Having spent more time travelling to class than you will actually spend *in* class, one’s motivation to study actually increases; After dragging one’s sorry carcass out of bed at unearthly hours of the morning and then braving the gauntlet of morning rush-hour traffic to get here on time, you’ll be damned if you’re going to have nothing to show for it- so might as well do the work and pay attention.

2) The imposed solitude of commuting to school via public transport, surrounded by strangers that Mummy wouldn’t want you to talk to, has the positive academic effect of ensuring that all your pre-lecture and tutorial reading gets done AND one is even able to finish reading the daily newspapers to catch up on all the things gahmen want you to know. Like not being too frank on blogs.

*queue men in black suits with sunglasses to come and arrest me*

3) It’s like having a rural university campus in the countryside (until 8am at least). When you stand, listen and just be still in the mornings, the silence is refreshing. No car horns, no sound of banter from anyone around you, the distant caw of a crow or the chirp of a morning bird. It’s like taking a holiday; 5 minutes every day of absolute peace where one can be truly away and quiet.

4) Despite it’s remoteness, NIE is actually rather well equipped. Air-conditioned libraries and classrooms, free campus-wide wireless internet (for registered students only, sorry all you Wi-Fi chalkers!!) and canteen food to die for.

5) Food; NIE’s got it all:
- food to die for (if you eat Western food every day)
- food that will kill you (if you eat from one particular stall)
- food that will still kill you but you will die happy (most of the rest of the stalls)
- food that will assuage your conscience after eating too much of the previously mentioned food categories (fruit stall)

6) NIE isn’t just about coming to school and learning “stuff” that you then “use on” students upon returning to school. There are friendships forged and fond memories created. Of course, all this is looking back with double rose tinted glasses, while eating Turkish delight and drinking bandung while surrounding yourself with rose pot-pourri. If you started to get all nostalgic and soppy about NIE during some of the most pressurising and brain-crunching periods last semester, you would be asking for a slap!!!

7) I like ice-cream. There is an ice-cream vending machine here. Here is good place.

8) Having raved about the wonders of NIE’s silence earlier, there is also one sound that I rather enjoy hearing (albeit probably not all the time). It’s the roar of fighter jets flying close overhead on their way in and out of the near by RSAF base. When you’re standing in the open and the roar of the turbofan engines thunders through the air, there’s a sense of physical exhilaration as one’s diaphragm and ears tremble with the deep resonating pulse of the engines. Flight is one of man’s greatest scientific achievements. While we are still far from mastering our environment, that our technology and learning has allowed us to go beyond the normal biological, evolutionary confines is both inspiring and terrifying.

9) Another favourite sound, that of small arms fire emanating from the nearby jungles. I am, of course, referring to the military training exercises conducted by the Singapore Armed Forces just on the borders of NIE. Cleverly concealed not 200 meters from the edge of this university campus is a service road used by wheeled military vehicles to commute in and out of the training area. From the popping “put-put” discharge sound of the M16 to the deep and rumbling “ra-da-da-da-da” of a GPMG, the sounds of the military in training are a comfort to poor helpless civilians such as I that the unceasing and underappreciated endeavour of keeping our country safe from fearsome potential enemies as varied as Botswana and the Bogey-man-in-the-cupboard. But actually, all the military hardware is just a secondary measure. Singapore’s REAL ultimate defence is a highly classified state secret but I’ll tell you. (whispers: Captain Planet promised he’d come to save us if we were in trouble).

10) Another reason I personally like this area? It takes me away from home, and the distracting comforts. I love my library, just taking out books to hold them in my hand, to feel the heft of a weighty volume, to run my fingers over the pages, to smell that old paper smell. And read if of course! I don’t just have a physical relationship with my books! (what are you thinking?!) My bedside shelf has my bedtime reading companions, too many to cover in a short entry and my reading wish list grows longer every week or so. I’m not keeping up with my leisure reading, but at least I still have time to read something other than academic papers on history, education and pedagogy, the daily newspapers and whatever other material I can get my hands on (including the odd blog here and there). I’m so… productive when I’m in school. This may be partly attributed to the fact that my laptop is too slow to play any games, but that is of course entirely beside the point!

Oh yes, and then there's my other mistress, Madam Pentium. She is demanding of my attention indeed.

Good night…

Argh where did the time go?

2005-09-23T16:45:00.000+08:00

Exactly! Where did that week go? I was so sure that I had only posted the previous entry a few winks ago but before i know it i'm back at Friday.

Maybe I was kidnapped by aliens... who subjected me to experiments and induced halucinations that just happened to resemble my weekly routine from Monday to Friday.

So many times during the week I felt that I had something to write and reflect on... "I must blog this" I can remember telling myself on the bus home, walking down the street, listening to something happening in class, observing a grasshopper land on a leave and devour it while i waited for the bus to arrive... that kind of thought provoking stuff.

Unfortunately, it's almost 5pm on a Friday afternoon. I'm still in NIE, out in the extreme west of Singapore, where the urban creep literally borders the primary forest. The up-side of studying way out here is that there's no Dengue Haemorragic Fever risk here. No Sir, there are no dengue mosquitoes here. Just Malaria ones. So we hide inside our classrooms, cloistered in our libraries, eating processed food and watching the Germans win the "Battle of the Buldge".

Ah! Fang just offered me a ride to the MRT station. Anything to avoid the drudgery of bus 199.

I'm off, I'm off! off to the tea party! Mustn't be late! Mustn't be late!!

Back @ NIE, my digicam kicks a fit

2005-09-16T13:21:00.000+08:00

Holy Moly, has it really been that long since I last blogged? Must have been... It says so here on the log entries.

This is a fitting testament to the divergent lifestyle that must possess me upon the advent of holidays. Without schools to give me a reason to wake up at 4.30am, I feel so... lost, so without purpose.... (but then don't we all look forward and salivate at the prospect of waking in time to watch a full Hollywood movie before the sun crests the horizon?

Well, today is the 16th of Sept and my watch is still half dead. It turns out that my dear little time piece is actually two independent mechanisms. A quartz analog watch which moves the little minute hand and even more little hour hand, as well as a digital component which controls the date, stopwatch and whatever other functions were there (which i never used) before it died.

I need to get it fixed... yes yes yes.... but it's such a pain in the gluteals to forge my way down to United Square, where the high-powered repair centre is. Apparent, 'any old' Citizen repair centre is not sufficienly qualified to repair a fault of this nature. Dang.

Yesterday, Thursday, I went shopping. Went to Ikea in search for some picture frames and bean bags for the house. With the departure of the piano for greener pastures, there exists now a gaping space in the middle of the living room. During this pilgrimage, i discovered something.

It's really hard to find bean bags in this country! I went from Ikea to John Little to Centrepoint and finally to Plaza Sing.

To cut a long story short, i found *everything* in the one complex.... found picture frames (elegant, decent looking and affordable) in Carrefour, bean bags made a miraculous appearance in Spotlight and i even managed to find a belt suitable to my tastes in Marks and Spencer. Those who have ever gone shopping with me for anything even as trivial as a ball point pen will know how pedantic i can be about these things.

Oh well, back to school- just got paid, time to settle back into the routine after the frolicking and decadent afternoons spent meditating at home, horizontally.

Hello world, Blogging Ben is back!

End of term, holiday image feast.

2005-09-07T23:04:00.000+08:00

Term three ended with a wonderful blast last Friday. I stayed in school till about 6pm to clear my marking and desk, but before that, 2E1 was so kind as to organise a makan party for several of us subject teachers.

Took some great pictures, won't post them all here, but I'm so glad that I was given the opportunity to meet and get to know this bunch of people.

Pick the odd one out...

(Left to Right)

Back row: Jamie, Shameenah, Jing Ting, Ailsa

Middle row: Myself, Ms Lee, Eileen, Tharshini, Rene

Front row: Cindy, Priyanka

Follow the White Rabbit....

(Left to Right)

Back row:
Ms Lee, Hao Ling, myself, Khayne (giving me bunny ears, arr!) , Sathies, Clifford, Ridzwan (shoulder level with me), Yong Ming, Dinis, Hui Yang (black strap).

Middle row:
Aaron, Marcus

Front row:
Chih Kai, Marcus (eyes visible), Wenbin, Isaac, Gabriel, Parthipan, Wai Jit.

The whole gang!

Am going to miss all of you.. *sobz*

Today (Wednesday), I started my first proper day of "holidays". Admin stuff from practicum is pretty much wrapped up. I enjoyed the experience, hope everyone survives the whirlwind of destruction i've left in my wake. 2E1 and 2E2, been great teaching ya, don't let it slide now, we've covered the "Skilz", now put them to use and go ace some exams like we trained for!

Met up with the NIE Crazy Bunch at Chris' place today. We made it as far as the sofas, never got to the pool, especially once the food arrived. Sandwiches, fruits, and enough pizza to sink a ship. Wayne brought his home brewed beer. "100% pure Wayne" was his selling line. Not sure if that's going to attract customers or send them screaming back to mummy.

Fang, with study materials....

"Eh! Dun spoil market leh!"

Fahmi, also with study materials but of a different sort.

"If only we could use this as a history text..."

Angel and Wayne, reliving childhood memories...

"Would you like a cup of tea Mr Bear?"

"Of course I would! Some tea with honey would be lovely!"

But little do we know, lurking beneath the cheerful facade of a smiling rugby fanatic lies the terrible monster...

ANGELzilla!!!

...reaching down with her enormous hand, she plucks the unsuspecting teddy from the bed places him in the middle of the tea party, together with the other teddies... FEEL THE HORROR!!!

____________________________________________________________

Skip forward to dinner time...

For dinner, met up with Tim and Kenny @ Borders Cafe. BAD's birthday is on Friday, we are conspiring to do something tasty.

Managed to avoid spending any more money on books today. Not a bad effort, I saw a lovely gem on little teacher stories that were related to seemingly unrelated situations, was sorely tempted to pick it up for bit-size train or bedtime reading, but i realise i have a reading list about the size of my thesis bibliography (well... ok... not quite so large..) of books that lie insufficiently loved on my bedside table. Need to give them some bookworm love before I can justify acquiring more books for my harem... erm... library.

Online on MSN this evening, had an engaging conversation with Edmund. We started the beginnings of a debate, but had to cut short. Had fun though, for rekindling a fire that had been rather diminished over the last few years, Edmund's picture shall appear on my blog here at its conclusion this evening!

Hang in there Edmund. Every step is a journey. :)

This is Peregrine, signing off very late on Wednesday evening, and enjoying every bit of it.

My new toy

2005-09-01T08:15:00.000+08:00

At last, after spending about 4 weeks languishing under the bed, i've broken out my new computer toy.

External DVD burner!!!!

Of course, the first thing it burnt was my paycheck (last month's) which clearly explains why people have been asking me whether I've been eating enough recently. But hunger is temporary!! DVDs will last for 7,000 years before they decay!

My intention in purchasing this most useful of computer peripherals is to facilitate the space-efficient archival storage of various audio-visual entertainment material currently residing on my hard drives. Under current data security protocols, having no back up copy of said AV material is likely to result in a critical and distressing situation should aforementioned hard drives decide to begin renditions of the "crunchy noise symphony" and subsequently terminate operations without notice. Thus, the need for additional repository and archival allocation (including the facilities to create such archives) becomes not a frivilous expenditure but, indeed, a compulsory investment that contributes not only to enhancing the existing protective measures against data loss but also contributes in intangible but very cogent ways to the psychological well-being of the primary human inferfacer. i.e... Me!~

Yes, i watch too much "Yes Minister". The late Sir Nigel Hawthorne (bless his departed soul) will always be one of my thespian idols.

So, what do we have here?

It's Vanya, guardian of the computer and my favourite baby polar bear.

He's perched watchfully on the DVD-R drive, keeping it safe from evil dust bunnies and continuing to ensure that the elves working frantically within are suitably motivated to work.

I'm no Willy Wonka who's an Oompa Loompa lover. If any elf starts to slack, Vanya will eat the elf *next* to him or her. That way, there's mutual motivation to be productive, it fosters a constructive, encouraging environment where elves and Polar Bear alike work in concert to produce wonderful DVD works, all for the greater glory of the Empire.

Here's Vanya again, showing his vicious snarl and wicked claws with which he uses to 'motivate' our elven employees to greater heights of productivity. Can you no see the gleaming incisors gaping menacingly from his huge maw? The razor-sharp claws, the mere sight of which cause lesser men to cringe and wet their pants?

Yes, there is no doubt who rules the household, it is Vanya, Undisputed Overord of the Computer Room and winner of the "Most Adorable & Fluffy Baby Plush Toy" award.

Teachers' Day @ BPSS

2005-08-31T22:31:00.000+08:00

Practicum is almost done. This is my last week. In the flash of an eye, eight weeks have passed. As I look back with fondness and increasing nostalgia, I feel a sense of great meloncholy at the passing of this term.

Conman once told me that the first classes one teaches are always special. As usual (haha) he was right. I will miss and remember them more dearly than I will allow myself to show. The vibrance, enthusiasm and optimism that they have shared and given me makes me feel younger than I deserve to, but I feel truly blessed for it.

Teachers' Day celebrations in school today. 2nd last day in school where i will see them. Oh god, i need to stop moping.

Ok, something more interesting... went to NYP in the afternoon with 3E1 for the final lab session for their IT IPW project. OH darn, it's also the last time i'll see them. Crud. Ok, next topic.

BPSS Staff dinner @ the Pines. Luckily for me, i could walk home afterwards. Got sabo-ed to sing Country Road, together with the other trainees... oh well, can't be worse than an energiser song during LLTC.

Argh, my mind is rather a mess at the moment.. i think i need to sit and be still for awhile.

Horizontal meditation time!~

Disappointment Junction

2005-08-27T11:00:00.000+08:00

Was at the Junction of Orchard and Patterson roads two nights ago, about to cross the road from Wheelock place to Lido.

Charging down Orchard road past the Thai embassy, sirens blaring, were two ambulances. Now, we've all seen them before, Ambulances and Fire Engines on the street. Graduting from being facinated at their novelty, they become objects of curiosity and, to a certain extent, urban mystique- for details of their interiors are less know and, as such, intriging.

What I witnessed on Thursday evening, though, left a foul taste in my mouth and a hollow feeling in my chest.

These two ambulances had clearly been activated and were either rushing to a scene or on a return trip to a hospital carrying a precious cargo of a fragil life hanging by delicate threads. As they approached the junction, weaving gingerly through gaps grudgingly provided by other motorists, they slowed to a halt, "sticking their nose out" into the space of the junction in an Emergency Vehicle's appeal for safe passage through the junction.

No one gave way.

I'm serious.

Taxis, toyotas, lorries, bikes. They paid the siren and flashing lights no heed and continued to assert their 'right of way' by driving past. I even saw one car (not a taxi) stop right in front of the ambulance as it queued to get to the other side.

What are these drivers thinking?! I was severely disappointed, in a way I've not been in a long time, by the lack of public-spiritedness displayed by those dozen drivers on Thursday evening. "Oh Ben, you're just getting worked up for no reason", part of my inner mind will tell me. "Hahaha! Welcome to Singapore", mocks another cynical voice in my head.

In the end, it was only because a bus (or was it a lorry) stopped and allowed the ambulances through that they were not delayed further by inconsiderate motorists. The ambulances had to linger at the junction for perhaps as long as a minute. In Ambulance Response Time, to spend a full minute just to clear a junction is an excruciating wait. From my understanding (and a quick google search) most ambulance service standards have 20 minutes as an upper-bracket. From the time the emergency call is made, to the time the ambulance arrives on the scene, 20 minutes.

Ok, enough of a rant on that. It was something that should not have happened, my witnessing that was a genuine coincidence and I shall not let this disappointment taint the optimism I still have for this society, for- despite the little quirks that we love to complain about- there is much good to be recognised in it as well.

arrrgh!

2005-08-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

At the end of this nerve-wracking day, i'd like to say three things...

1) I think i screwed up in class today during observation. Argh.

2) I need a reading holiday, where i can sit and be quiet, and feel the weight and heft of a good book in my hand, opening it to feel the texture of the paper, smell the aroma of old print, hear the crisp crackle of the pages as they turn, lie back and let the words take me to places far away in space and time.

3) The spiderman mock up on the wall between Lvl 5 and lvl 6 of Orchard Cineleisure looks.... wrong!!! If I were Peter Parker, I would NEVER crouch on the side of any building with my legs in that position, spider sense or no!!

at the end of Monday

2005-08-22T19:47:00.000+08:00

I'm tired! Had 4 hours of full-on teaching, most of which was contending with a pneumatic drill over and above the normal requirements of my voice. By the end of the 4th lesson, my throat was starting to feel tingly. I cannot afford to get sick this week! I cannot! There are too many important things happening!!!

Returned the history common test papers today, the sight of peoples' satisfaction at their hard work being rewarded by academic improvement is worth all the late nights.

ah Kann's bday this Sunday, need to put it in my diary.

Tomorrow is a brand new day, rise and shine to meet the world with a smile.

Saturday morning trancendalism

2005-08-20T07:41:00.000+08:00

There are a few versions of this poem with a few difference provenances.

This variant, most often attributed to Emerson, has been the one of most inspiration to me. It matters less who actually wrote the original, it's meaning is pertinent for me. Today. In this time and in this life.

Success

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
(1803-1882)

Many things to be grateful for

2005-08-19T22:58:00.000+08:00

...here are but a few.

I am grateful to my father, who- despite my flaws- continues to offer to pick up my dry cleaning bill every week, among a myriad other acts of support.

I am grateful to God, who- despite my failings- refrains from striking me down with a well-deserved lightning bolt.

I am grateful to my teachers from my school days, who- despite my incredibly stubborn nature, were patient and kind mentors.

I am grateful to my Sec 3 chinese teacher (who for my own safety shall remain nameless) who taught me that it was indeed possibly to insult and describe a persons woeful inadequacies (in this case, mine) in so detailled and colourful a way as to actually be inspiring.

I am grateful to my SJI classmates and school mates, for being like my family during those early years as a pimply pip squeak.

I am grateful to my tennis coach, who was like an elder brother to me when I needed one.

I am grateful to my first ever Platoon Commander, (then) 2LT Yeo Chin Heng, who- while he no doubt has no memory of me- gave me a lasting impression of how an officer should behave.

I am grateful to my first ever Platoon Sergeant, (then) 2SG Safiruddin, for teaching us that the first mark of a leader is respect for all men. <-- not 'men' in the SAF regimental sense.

I am grateful to my 3rd OC, (then) CPT Charles Ong, who taught me that more capable men are too often overlooked on account of their lack of so-called 'qualifications'.

I am grateful to Emerson for his words on "success". They have been a light for my footsteps along many a darkened path.

I am grateful to my days in 30SCE during national service- the people, experiences and challenges that I have met along our journey have made me a more motivated and positive person.

I am grateful for the fellowship of Lawrence, my 30SCE PC, under whose command I would gladly serve, any time.

I am grateful to Hugh Collins, Master of Ormond College, for modelling the epitome of decorum.

I am grateful to Mel, for times shared, her friendship and great patience beyond what I deserved. Pizza + Kenshin = winning combo.

I am grateful to BP, for the times he was strict when he deemed necessary and for the times when he stood back to let me walk, so that I might one day learn to run.

I am grateful to Peter Hauser, my Year 11 head-of-level, who taught me the value of efficiency, as well as being "Justice without Mercy" personified.

I am grateful to the LLTC A '05 gang, whose fellowship has been a boon. And to Papabear, for saying "just come along and join in" when he did all those months ago. It has made all the difference.

I am grateful to ALL I have met at BPSS(even the annoying ones), every one of you have taught me lessons about myself and given me food for thought on many things.

I am grateful for the many opportunities I have been given in life, I strive execute them to the best of my ability, as I was taught to by Mrs Pestana.

I am grateful for the occasions I find to give others opportunities. Perhaps eyes will be opened, hearts moved or perspectives refined.

Finally, I am grateful that through all my experiences, I have learnt that a positive attitude can turn any situation into a learning opportunity.

Sole note on the day:

I enjoyed today very much. Very much indeed.

Vorwarts! Vorwarts! Schetten die hellen fanfaren!

2005-08-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

So goes the first line of the Hitler Youth song "Vorwarts!" (Forward!).

Ultra Hyper-on-crack Nazi Ben made his debut appearance in school today. I'm not happy or particularly proud of the b45+4rd that I needed to be towards 1A1 today, but it needed to be done to preserve the integrity of command and control for the remainder of the semester. After regimenting the start of class with a very tense and totalitarian commencement, I demanded a self-reflective essay from the students, expounding on the errors and transgressions of the previous day in an attempt to (as ah-James might say) "Shock Start" some of them into realising that their behaviour of the day before was simply 'not on'.

What i got from some of the responses was a learning experience in of itself for me.

I did fully realise that in imposing a collective regimental sanction on the whole class (as I did today) for the crimes of the minority was more grossly unfair that I would have been happy with. In fact, i wasn't feeling too great about it in the first place- but in lieu of anything more poetic (like ceremonial execution by a single point blank pistol shot to the back of the relevant offending student's head), I needed to send home the message that a student cannot treat a staff member in so disrespectful a manner and expect it to pass without response.

But back to their responses.... There was naturally a chord of frustration in many of their writings, some of them feeding back their disappointment in their own behaviour and their frustration at their own classmates for getting the rest of the class into trouble. I do now realise much more clearly though, that students' perceptions of 'relief' periods are of 'free' periods, where unless assignments are given by the specific faculty member who is absent, they are unlikely to be willing or cooperative in general should they be given 'work' to do. I suppose school cultures vary, but in BPSS we don't really have one where students will compliantly carry out tasks set to them 'just because' they have been given out.

One comment in one student's writing piece amused me though, it read rather like this,

"When I saw Mr Tan walk into the relief classroom, i thought to myself that 'that's it, we confirm will have to do work' ".

It is said axiomatically that some people bring joy when they enter and some when they leave a room. For this student, I was undoubtely a bringer of great killjoy.

Skip forward a few hours to 1230hrs and my history lesson with 2E2. I worry... so much... for some of them. Two of them who i spoke to after class seemed resigned, almost mockingly cheerful, that they were members of the History Failures' Club. Not on my watch gentlemen, I'm not going to stand by and have you condemn yourself to mediocrity. Just you wait, i'll find the right lever that moves you yet. (famous last words, but hey, gotta try right?)

Kenneth was in to observe my lesson today; the honest-to-god truth is that 2E2 isn't my flagship class, but I endeavour to do them justice because there are people in that class who are geniunely trying to do their best. How can not respond to their industry with anything less than my best as well? How can one man to move a mountain? One tiny pebble at a time. (Or with enough dynamite in the right place.)

Tried using some of that dynamite today by changing the focus of the lesson from teacher chalk 'n talk to teaching from Focus questions, giving them a chance to scour the text for content and then processing the answers with them. Newer as I am to this method, I need to polish up my technique. But I was taught by the best, Conman Conceicao of SJI and *the* R G Anderson from Scotch, plus his godly lecturer-ness, Dr Steven Welch of Melbourne University, to whom I shall always remain grateful for modelling to me that it *is* possible to lecture and be nurturing at the same time. Though his interaction with me was brief (but for one module during my Honours year), I shall long remember Professor Ron Ridley for sharing his passion for history that has sustained him all these years and that same passion encourages me to learn more and more, for there is so much to learn- and yet more to learn about what we do now know about.
I think i must remember to write a tribute post to the people in my life who have really "Been the difference" to me.

Back to 2E2, i think the focus question style will work- just need to let them get used to it, then i have this gut feeling that they will fly! 2E1 had better also watch out, focus questions coming their way on Friday.

Dwenz-day: 0550

2005-08-17T05:49:00.000+08:00

Today three things will happen.

The first:
1A1 is going to get it from me. Bad. I cannot let their behaviour of the previous day go unaddressed. I've taken an idea I read in the Mossad prisoners' psychological profile and adapted it for (non-traumatic, non-lethal) use during English class. It is both wonderful and terrifying what i seem to come up with when properly motivated.

The second:
My supervisor is coming today to observe 2E2, my history class. As of now, 0550hrs on the day itself, i haven't written my lesson plan yet, mainly because I had the whole of yesterday's after school time burnt away because of that Nanyang Polytechnic thing. I can see why they need squids like me to be involved (but I knew this already), the kind of time involved is simply too demanding; a teacher who already had full duties, as Wei Na does, would not be able to cope with both. So what do the ambitious planners and climbers in the Exco do? They farm it out to the proletariat.

The third:
I will either survive this day and return in glory, riding into Rome in a chariot and scoffing as I pass under the sword of damocles; or

I will enter Rome being dragged, bloodied and bruised, behind said chariot which will be driven by some 13-year olds who think that it is funny when one my limbs detaches and is snapped up almost immediately by starving creatures like stray dogs and street children.

St John Baptist De La Salle..... give me patience this day to do the things I must do with courage and resolve while bringing no dishonour to your tradition.

hoo boy, what a day

2005-08-16T21:06:00.000+08:00

Talk about long days. Up as usual at 5, off to school by 6, arrive by 7. School till 1730, then off to NYP for more meetings, back home at 8 only cos I decided that it was worth the taxi fare to salvage what was left of my evening. I can expect more of the same, given my chosen vocation, but it doesn't change the fact that somewhere there's a serious imbalance in the way our society has accepted how work is allowed to override all other aspects of our lives.

Had the most horrid relief class today, times like this i really want to be Darth Vader, to choke the breath out of the little blighters and suspend their convulsing bodies high above the class as an example to the next ten generations that class time is not the place to be running around and carrying on. A powerful learning experience for me, but doesn't change my murderous thoughts of the mid-morning.

2E1 swamped me after school today, pressing me for the results of their history common test. Never seen them so eager before, but i must wait until the official go-ahead is given before i can divulge their marks. Wish i could tell them how proud I am of some of them, I can really tell that they tried for this test and I'm so happy that it has really paid off for individuals both in E1 and E2. I really want to get their papers marked by the end of tomorrow, i'm as anxious as they are to find out how they did.

Need to spend some time decoding the textbook for Chih Kai tomorrow; he seemed v happy that he was able to answer some of the Common Test questions but poor lad, i think he's a couple of grades in over his head when it comes to the English that he encounters in Sec 2.

After school, i spent some time with 3E1 in the computer lab, helping to facilitate their project work. Oh my goodness they poor kids are so stretched. I can see the stress on their faces. Just ain't fair, the way the so-called best students have all these hopes of other people (not to mention being used as test subjects in the ambitious projects of some faculty) piled on them with less regard given to how they feel. If I ever get the priviledge of being put in charge of a class like theirs, i'll darn well make sure that they have some time to play. Kids these days have lives like mini-adults, and that is such a great pity. It was good to get to know some of them better through the session, at least i felt less of an oldie, when i saw people covertly managing their battle.net warcraft accounts and... surprise surprise... stealing secret joyful moments to watch Happy Tree Friends.

After leaving school, Joon Yong and I cabbed to NYP where linked up with Wei Na before heading to Jeffery Ong's office for a conference on the IT project that said Sec 3E1 students were involved in. In short, Jeffrey is extremely enthusiastic and extremely verbose. We finished at about 1930hrs. Sky was dark and we three were all very very tired.

Back home, Dad had left some makan on the kitchen counter, wolfed it down and am now blogging before I have an earlier night. I couldn't get to sleep till what must have been 2300hrs last night, don't know why I just couldn't sleep. Tomorrow Kenneth (NIE) is coming to observe my history lesson in 2E2. If I wanted to give him my best show, i'd give him 2E1, but I cannot always be hiding behind appearances and should challenge myself to give both him and 2E2 justice. Army has taught me that when 'inspections' arrive, everyone always puts on their best wayang for the brass. I've always deeply respected the officers and senior NCOs who respected soldiers enough to do the necessary evil during regimental inspections but who acknowledged that we didn't live in a fairytale world where the barracks (where real people live and sleep) resembled a HDB showflat every minute of every day.

Bed time.
Bedtime prayer for me tonight is that i'll do ok during the observation tomorrow.
Bedtime prayer for others tonight is that 2E2 and 2E1 will continue to show that most encouraging improvement in their Common Test marks.

la la la happy

2005-08-15T19:24:00.000+08:00

might be counting chickens a little early, but in general results are improving. Some ppl i hoped would improve certainly have. It's rewarding, now to stretch them further! We're not stopping till we break some more grade records!

argh, my first blogger error

2005-08-14T21:27:00.000+08:00

...sent a nice verbose post into cyber oblivion.

In essence:

Weekend spent setting up wireless network for Candice.

Candice's hdd died while we were trying to install it.

My pocket hdd then promptly died while we were trying to recover Candice's dead hdd.

We were both caught between being very sad and very amused (in a twisted sort of way).

Had yummy dinner on Sunday night, two kinds of fried noodles with sambal kang kong.

Now home, written about 1000 words worth of blog.

Lesson plans not yet done for tomorrow (bad boy ben).

Prayer before bed for my students to do their best on Common Test for tomorrow.

Words in my mind, to quote Hunter McWhinney: "I sincerely hope that you (students) will get the results that you deserve during your exams".

And Aaron, don't panic... better to know half a chapter very well than to only have a fuzzy idea of what goes on in a whole chapter.

Week ending musings

2005-08-12T15:07:00.000+08:00

Having recovered from the zombiefied state of Thursday and (to a lesser extent) Friday, I am now at the end of another glorious weekend, looking forward to the week to come.

Looking ahead to Week 8

I need to be more fair to 2T2. I only see them once a week and i've got to do better than just give them some comprehension practice. The challenge is to give them an interesting alternative to compre-compo on Monday mornings, cos they would have just finished English class when then come into my class. I don't need to be psychic to picture the joy on their faces when I present them with yet another reading passage. Since they are... more socialble and... less restrained... than some other classes when they engage in frivilous banter during curriculum time, I find myself clamping down on their behaviour more often, which- needless to say- is a royal pain in the gluteals for all of us.

History on Friday... am I trying too hard?

Am I letting myself get too personally affected by how my students fare in their studies? Isn't it a teacher's calling to place the development and well being of their charges foremost? Daphne (BPSS) once told me that despite wanting to make lessons interesting and engaging for students, we (teachers) will get affected when we see our students do badly. I'm beginning to understand that much more clearly now; more so than i did before. There is only so much I can do to encourage, cajole, nag and generally behave like a granny when it comes to getting them to put in effort. It's one thing to say "young people must sometimes learn the hard way, by making their mistakes- we (oldies) must have the courage to let them make their own decisions and own mistakes" and another entirely to stand by and see them underperform. Oh manz... now i'm sounding like some of my old teachers. History repeats itself.

Ran an Open Class session on Friday afternoon. A few E1s did come down for it. Normally i'd keep it short, focused and practical but that one ended up being a crash course on SBQ questions. Not really my idea of Open Class, but with the Common Tests looming the following monday, i was happy to oblige and address their concerns. Apart from universal feedback that it was a little heavy (I felt like a used kitchen towel after that session too...), i think they found it useful. Must give more attention to Angka and Chih Kai in class- their English needs improvement and until that happens, they will only get very limited mileage out of history; especially with me the super ang mo potato mouth history teacher. Then again, i can't slow down for them so i must make it a point to follow up with them outside class. While i still can.

All the best E1 and E2 for your common tests tomorrow. As Hunter McWhinney used to say: "I sincerely hope that you get the results that you deserve". This means, those of you who have put in the effort, I sincerely hope that you will be rewarded- not necessarily with top marks, for that may be too lofty an ambition this early on, but with clear signs that your studying techniques and effort are indeed helping you to improve. For those of you slack azzes, may the growing gulf in marks between the "did study" and "did not study" people wake up your little tushes and spur you to action like a firebrand applied with loving fury to your exposed tender loins.

say it with me...

2005-08-11T05:01:00.000+08:00

yes folks... it's 5:15am and i just finished marking all my scripts. Lucky last was Wen Bin from 2E1.

Come, all together now, say it with me:

"I am going to be so zombified today."

Need.... coffee, about 7 of them!

omg i have to go NYP today.

Behold my glorious procrastination and penance!

2005-08-10T23:03:00.000+08:00

My PLAN for today was to mark work.

What HAPPENED was i ended up watching re-runs of Gundam Seed and sleeping like a fallen tree throughout the afternoon.

But the Common Tests are next week, and I cannot bear to let 2E1 and 2E2 go into battle thus unarmed. So my penance for tonight is to NOT REST UNTIL MY MARKING IS DONE!!! Yes, i will be zombie boy tomorrow, but it will be worth it!!!

So, in the grand tradition of my university days, let me procrastinate for this 15 minutes it takes to snap some pictures of my work cell and post them here for strangers and friends alike to see. ho ho ho...

The dining table, papers spread out like a buffet for the marker's eyes to feast upon.

Closer in, a Ben's-eye view of what's going on.

Yet closer, you can see the ticks and crosses on the annotated class list. Beware those who have not yet handed in their work!!!

So with this, i shall recess for a shower (to wake up), make myself a hot drink and snuggle up to the table for a night of penance, that will at least benefit my students. I've done all nighters for far less productive reasons before.

Thank goodness weekend is two days away, i need to be more disciplined with my free time. But hey... what's a holiday for if you can't relax your routine just a little.

All you BPSS people better stardee for your common test!!!!!111!

Nice is NOT nice

2005-08-10T12:05:00.000+08:00

Dear Mr Tan,

Reading through your last ten entries or so, I realise that you've fallen into a terrible trap. You have been using the word 'nice' as an adjective. This is bad. Very bad. In fact, you should be shot, flayed and then your disgraced carcass should be hung out to dry in the public square for little children to pelt with stones.

'Nice' is such a generic word in today's language that it should be used as infrequently as possible. To call someone "a nice man" might be to say that the person is pleasant enough but the undertone can also be that this individual has some horrendous, pus-oozing deficiencies that simply cannot be spoken aloud in polite company.

To ascribe the quality of 'nice' to any object, is to basically say that it doesn't make you want to go to the toilet and regurgitate your lunch at the sight of it, but at the same time you wouldn't shed a tear if you saw it tied to a concrete block and plunge to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

You will resolve not to use the word 'nice' in your writing as much as you can!!

Have a nice day...

Yours sincerely,

Grumpy Grammarian
(bitchy linguistic conscience)

Nooooo!! I am fan-less! (and Happy National Day 2005)

2005-08-09T22:10:00.000+08:00

Could it be? I'm so unpopular that no one would want to put my ugly mug on a wall to gaze at during their free time?

Well, yes that's true, but that's not the most critical thing right now. (i'm sure there are still a few out there who would love to throw darts at pictures of my face though).

My trusty little fan, which has served me well through many battles and crises, has at last given up the fight. The sturdy electric motor which performed without complaint for so many hours, keeping the air circulating in my room as I worked, slept or generally converted O2 into CO2, gave a final whine of protest before making some crunchy noises (and starting to exhude the smell of burning copper). I would normally have taken out my philips screwdriver and threatened the fan with a serious.... investigation... in order to discover the cause of this revolt. My fans are not allow to go on strike! They must perform their functions like good little proletariat without complaint! Argh! To be fanless.

Traitor to the cause!

Be revealed to the world and recognised for the slack piece of mechanical engineering that you are! Know that you will live on in infamy for deserting humankind at our most dire hour of need (bed time)!!!

In other exciting 'today' news, some books I ordered have finally arrived!

One of my recent little resolutions for my life is to start my reading program again. I've been reading too infrequently of late (basically since the beginning of July) and I can feel my brain start to rust. I'm in need of that 'other' world where I can retreat to, where it's just me and the book, curled up on the chair or under the blankets, where nothing can reach me and I have my 15 minutes of bliss (minimum) every day.

For the record, I'm officially recommending "Maxims and Reflections" to anyone who is interested in management, leadership, governance or political science in general. Much more digestable than The Prince, especially since it comes in axiomatic little bites. Guicciardini recommends Conelius Tacitus for an understanding of tyranny. I haven't read that one yet. Something to go on the book wish list for my next paycheck.

The two newest members of my library.

Long may you stand in honour with your fellow volumes on those shelves.

Many be the hours that you may spend in my hands as I pour over your wisdom.

Today is National Day in Singapore. This day 40 years ago, my homeland became an independent nation. I'll not repeat my history class soliloquy here, suffice to say I'm glad that we've made it this far and look forward to the small part I have in my life to ensure that the efforts of those who came before are duly honoured by those who currently toil for the good of this country.

If we have reached new heights, it is only because we stand on the shoulders of giants.

Startstop blog

2005-08-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

Dead tired, want to say something, but brain is dead. Tomorrow is national day, no school- should have a little more time over next two days. Still alive.

Many things to say, but it's past my bedtime... oh heck!

2005-08-04T22:18:00.000+08:00

Today I had to scold 1A1... argh I really hate myself when i have to stomp on them. Just... wouldn't... stop.... talking.... Some of them in particular are getting very distracted. I'm a nag in some ways, most of the people who know me will tell me that... but i really really really hate to preach and lecture a class for behaviour. Patience... patience.... NOOO!!!

Started on the mountain of marking on my table after school, got through about 1/3 of the 2E2 workbooks before i had to zip down to NYP for that IT enhancement project. OMG it was boring!!! I totally empathise with the Sec 3s who were desperately drawing doodles in Macromedia Flash to keep awake. Lectuerer is well meaning, but we really do know what a double click is... and we really already are quite familiar with how to use mouse-over menus. Had to keep awake, just wouldnt do if the supervising teacher began snoring peacefully in the back corner of the room. Ducked out at 4pm (thanks Joon Yong, owe you one) to head to Changi Airport to meet the HK Lasallians.

On the way to the airport....

...there was this taxi driver... who wouldn't stop talking!! He kept bashing the government (sometimes reasonably, other times with so much subjective passion i'm sure he must live in Potong Pasir) and bemoaning the lack of morals afflicting young people (school age) today. Did he know i was a teacher? perhaps the red pen in the shirt pocket was a little obvious, but i sure as hell didn't tell him... just giving grunts of occasional "dui dui" ("yes, of course of course") from my captive position in the back seat, constantly wondering if he's a government plant to try and sus out dissenters who can be goaded into bashing the government. Didn't tell him anything he didn't say before, and didn't agree to anything either. I think i read too many spy stories.

HK lasallians in town! Took some nice pictures...

Dinner at "Casa Bom Bento" or something that sounds rather similair, go down Joo Chiat Road after Kallang Mall, it's just after that famous Durian Puff store.

From left to right: (HK lasallians in bold)
Peter, Tracy, Chew Ling, Priscilla, Chester, Dex, Alexstine, Bro Mike and Bro Nick.

Our happy campers outside St Patricks.

Left to Right:
Tracy, Priscilla, Chester, Alexstine, Peter and Dex.

Tomorrow, my mission is to have a great class with 2E1, do as much marking and prep as possible and scoot out of school as soon as i can (got to give O level oral remedial first) before meeting up with the HK Lasallians for some serious weekend holidaying. I'm going to pretend that i'm a HK tourist on holiday in Singapore... my atrocious Cantonese and all.

It is now 2218hrs. Really need to sleep!!!!!!!!!!! But so glad that they are here, always good to see old friends again.

Blog not tonight.

2005-08-03T20:16:00.000+08:00

Just typed a nice long reply to Peter Leung on the email. As a result, my brain is drained and i'm about as intelligent as the ketupat rice cake i'm currently muching on for dinner.

Helped Chih Kai with some history/english after school today. Sure as hell was more interesting than writing lesson plan for tomorrow. Of course, it means that I *still* have to write that lesson plan. Oh, how I thought i was through with doing homework...

Gave my first pro-Singapore propaganda lesson in History today to 2E2. I feel so.... stained.... I have sullied myself by indulging in patriotic lingo, by taking the words of "We Are Singapore" (available FREE from www.singsingapore.org.sg).

Ok, brain drain, need to go type out some minutes for sch. And do lesson plan.

Argh... my secondary school life is happening again before my eyes!
(except that i'm not 15 anymore.... *sobz*)

A long day with a tasty end

2005-08-02T20:44:00.000+08:00

Tuesday. Staff Contact time. I realise that of late, having gotten used to the rhythm of term, i'm starting to nua and spazz out once in awhile during the day. That sense of desperate urgency from a month before is no longer so present. Must not fall behind! Keep up the pace and break some productivity barriers.

Despite the planning process being more complicated, i'm still quicker at preparing for history classes than I am for English classes. I get side-tracked (today it was the Sing Singapore website) when i resource for class material but it's all so enjoyable. In many respects i'm glad i like my history classes to be interesting, cos i think 2E1 and 2 would definitely tell me straight that i'm a boring and dusty old relic if i started to teach like one. Nothing like having a demanding audience to keep your own show standards up.

Spent a little time reviewing history note-taking skills with Wen Bin after school before the staff meeting. Hope he will find it useful, and that he'll use it. I think i need to make it my personal mission that all students who come through my history classes must, as a criteria to pass my tests at the end of the year, be able to take and use summary point notes. Memorising blocks of the textbook, or even just studying for the textbook alone, is not going to be enough to survive in upper sec and beyond... in fact with the heavy load students have nowadays, i better teach this note taking and efficiency skills to them before i start on history basics like primary sources. Hm... idea..

Evening, nicked out of school at 1700, thinking i was rather smart and giving myself lots of time to get to SJI. Wrong! All hail the public transport system that is super duper efficient except when you are running late. Murphy is still hanging around parliament keeping his law in good working order. Waited almost 30 mins before two SBS 132 busses breezed by at the same time. Hopped on, resisted giving a half grimace half sigh of relief to the bus driver and sat down in my favourite seat on the whole bus (extreme front left, upper deck) for the journey to SJI. Arrived in time, thank goodness. Oh i do feel so terrible when I'm late for appointments.

SLYC meeting started and ended, not many things to discuss but all were important. LLTC B dates settled, pending ability of SPS to accomodate. Dinner with Papabear at Hangout @ Mt Emily. Good soup, better food, even more yummy ice cream (but then it was chocolate and i'm partial to chocolate).

Now home, laundry is in them machine, churning gentle as it washes the dust of the week from my cotton shirts. As a reward for being such a good boy and doing my laundry, i might even get to iron some things before i run out of white shirts and need to tap into my supply of blues. Yay and joy.

I never realised before how calming the sound of a washing machine in full motion sounded. I spent about 8 minutes just listening to the drum turn back and forth. So sooothing.

Should I watch CSI tonight? It's so late... sure to be zombified tomorrow.... but it's CSI, the only thing worth watching on TV aside from Whizzes of the Void Deck 2, whose presence on TV Mobile i now sorely miss. Can we PLEASE get rid of the superhero with the "Priscilla Queen of the Desert" sunglasses and extremely manly pink spandex suit and put the stereotype-reinforcing Singaporean kids back on TV mobile? In honesty, i prefer their acting to the superhero whose magic brush, while genuinely enchanting, just can't compare to the smart bespectacled kid giving science lessons while solving mysteries.

Too bad for me the bus reaches my destination stop before 0630hrs, or else i'd get to watch some anime every morning.

Note-taking makes my world go round.

2005-08-01T20:24:00.000+08:00

Ok, now i *know* i'm a certified geek when i get excited about systems of taking notes from my history books and during lectures. I sat down recently to codify my system of bullet-point note taking for 2E1 and 2E2 and.... really enjoyed it. Maybe it's just vanity, but I want to believe that what I do every day teaching in class is more than just administration. Every day, little by little, 1A1 is getting a little better. I hope 2E1 and 2 are able to get something out of my rantings, first about history in general, then about timelines, then again today about bullet-point note systems. I was telling them the truth as I experienced it- if they don't get a handle on how to take good and efficient notes for their revision and study, they are gonna get hit by the big train of information that comes at the beginning of Sec 3. All of them, I know that they have such hope and potential and I will not stand idly by as they shortchange themselves with stop-gap measures! I want to believe in them, I will believe in them! I might be setting myself up for some disappointment, but if you have never dared to dream, you will forever be a frog in the well... and not just my own aspirations for how high they might soar, but they themselves might never know what could have been if no one brought them out of from under the shade to show them the blue sky above. (ok, that's too poetic, but you get the idea).

After school today... went to Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP) with colleagues Wei Na and Joon Yong to meet one Mr Jeffrey Ong, hyper enthusiastic lecturer in Multimedia and Information Systems programming. We (three from BPSS) were there to discuss project parameters for the Sec 3 Social Studies Inderdisciplinary Project Work (IPW) task. I've been given the opportunity to be project facilitator for three SS groups. Topics are the dispute in the Spratley Islands, ASEAN and the United Nations (if memory serves). Reminds me of my days back in AP when Allen and I were working on various aspects of the website; me churning out the content every so often and Allen hammering away on Photoshop and Dreamweaver. Those were good, focused, fun working days. Not to say that 'nowdays' lacks any of those elements. Probably more like ten times the focus and work in teaching compared to before. As for the fun, I'm learning to insert the fun into my own life where I can. Cooking for one (oh yea... my salad and italian sausage dish are ready for brave souls to sample!), reading for another... want to get back to Guicciardini when he arrives in a week's time. In the mean time, I'll settle for Lasalle's numerous bio and autobiographies on loan from Bro Mike and Lee Lieutenants (not the US Civil War one).

It's a ladeda day. Had another person asking me if I would be coming for SJI's annual parade on the 8th of August. Yes, i'll definitely try to be there.

Hong Kong Lasallians hit town on Friday!~ This weekend is going to be GREAT!

Kitchen skillz madness

2005-07-30T17:13:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 11am today, must have really needed to clear that sleep debt. I didn't even stir till it was past the hour. Met Edmund at Centrepoint's Cold Storage to pick up supplies for the 30SCE (1998-2000) kaki gathering. I love supermarket shopping normally, but just thinking of what tasty delights Edmund will cook up makes my mouth start to water.

Got back home, got straight to work. Edmund is a genius in the kitchen, we've got home-made salad, enhanced clam chowder soup, itallian saussages and boneless pork chop. Oh my goodness, i wish i could cook like that. Slowly slowly, i've already got the recipes, now just need unsuspecting and good hearted friends (who have cast iron stomachs) willing to try out my culinary lab projects.

Tonight will be mirthful- i feel the presence of a MJ set and, even more delightful, my antennae have detected the presence of a nearby PS2 that James brought.

Should be good. Just have to make sure I don't get drunk. Got to meet Candice to go Chinatown shopping tomorrow, then meeting Shun for dinner.

A sublime end to the working week

2005-07-29T23:57:00.000+08:00

Every time I feel I am getting the hang of things in this job, I'm introduced to a new facet that leaves me wide eyed like a child (also known as 'blur faced').

O level oral examination practice in school today. Need to become better at diagnosing, need to improve, people will be depending on me and there I am stuck at harping on pronounciation, pace, timbre and rhythm! gotta learn more! but it's so interesting.

Stopped by Alma Mater after school to sign LLTC Practicum journals for Daryl, Afzal and Darrick. So nice to just breath the air inside the campus. Argh, I'm such a nostalgic softy. Was able to speak briefly to Stix and John, at slightly greater length with Kann and Afzal and had a nice procrastination chat with Daryl. Even the Chair of the Beural gets thrown out at closing time. Such is our egalitatarian sociaty. Found that rather amusing Daryl. :) Had to sneak off to the office to see Patricia, sorry to leave your bag unattended but i thought that SJI was safe enough; i might be misguided, but i'd leave my bag unattended in the canteen and feel reasonably safe. (Mr Muthu would probably confiscate it and call the bomb squad or something). With the decisions that will be coming up in the next few months, please let no one ever for a moment doubt that I love SJI.

Highlight of this week's evenings; dinner with Mrs Pestana and some 2E7 guys. Brian and Puay Liang were able to make it down- Calvin had reservist training, Justin just got promoted so was being feted by his adoring colleagues, Joel, Aaron, Barry and the rest sent their love but we had to eat the food on their behalf. How to describe how enjoyable it is to meet up with old friends and our dearest teacher? I can't, save to say that this is one of those blissful evenings that happen just often enough for us to remember them so fondly and infrequently enough for us to look forward so dearly to the next one; whenever it is.

Home, past midnight now. Sleep sleep, tomorrow Jas, James, Gan, Edmund, Bryan coming over for 30SCE kaki gathering.

A long day with many things that happened

2005-07-27T22:04:00.000+08:00

Woke up, pressed snooze on my phone. Just a little while more.

Three snoozes later... AARFGH! No time for breakfast now, jump in and out of shower, pull on clothes and out the door i go. Thank goodness i have a habit of packing my bag the night before.

School. It is the curse of teachers to have students who will talk in class, because we- in our own invincible youth- scorned those sages of our own who sought to shower us with wisdom and saliva particles by engaging ourselves in banter most trivial while lessons were on. On the bright side, 2E2 had a good class today.. sorta anyway. Returned test papers, review the timeline technique with them; most of them have not used it since Sec 1. I hope it is helpful to them, i can't hold their hand every step of the way and sometimes i wish i could hold my students by their gentle, innocent little hands and, with a firm grip, throw them off the deep end. *evil laugh* ...at least then they'd appreciate the phrase 'sink of swim'.

After school, bumped into Sharman at J8 on the way to the train station. Always nice to see a friendly face in the milling, breathing, jostling throng that is Singapore.

Driving. Instructor says i'm too stiff. No surprise there. My classmates from SJI could have told him that. He says i'm too conservative a driver, making too many safety checks. No surprise there either, just as my NS friends about how i seem to be paranoid. Will I ever pass? Two chops a lesson is starting to drag.

Home, finished my minutes for the SLYC meeting (yea!). Heard that Stix injured his elbow being his usual cool self while *anecdote censored*. Take care dude. I always get sad when i hear of people i know getting injured.

Clock just ticked past 10pm, time for beddy byes; driving again tomorrow but come Friday, i have history class again, yay!

My ambitions for this term: No one in my history classes are going to see history the same way again. For better or worse (but hopefully for the better), i'm going to make this term a memorable one for them!!!

Note to self for tomorrow morning: Pressing snooze button is bad for stress long term. Get your butt out of bed and go take a shower!

Just a quick one

2005-07-26T22:23:00.000+08:00

Dear Bloggy blog,

Got back late from school cos of staff meeting. Interesting enough but it's no fun being bottom of the food chain.

Left my marking in school, left the LLTC B facil nominations in my drawer, could only do minutes this evening, but they look gooood. I love it when paperwork looks tidy.

30 mins overdue to sleep, but it's all for the Mission.

Dinner this Friday with Mrs Pestana! woot!

Good night world.

Monday, anything but blue.

2005-07-25T21:29:00.000+08:00

Today is a good day, because I said it will be!

Resolving to be ever optimistic, I plunge into my heaviest day of the week smile first.

Took 8 periods of classes, pretty standard for normal timetable load but since i'm still on training wheels, it's my single heaviest day. Had two English double periods and two History double periods. That was supposed to be the down side. I'll show those lil' Sec 1s and 2s that old codgers like me can still match energy levels with them! Haiya!!

Not going to comment on individual classes, since I must be fair. Some are easier to handle than others but as Bro Michael once told me, I must learn to give extra care to those who are especially hard to love. It's easy to love the loveable. It's being able to love those who get (and perhaps deserve?) it least but need it most that is our challenge.

Aaron, Isaac, had to pull two of you up today for TALKING IN MY CLASS!~ Ghrrr! Make my life difficult to scold people. You know how i don't like to do that. But crucify you in public with small rusty nails I will if necessary! Finally got Joshua's SBQ worksheet. Turns out he handed it to another teacher who promptly passed it on to the main history teacher, who in turn conveniently used it as a bookmark for her textbook. Use my student's precious voluntary extra exercise for your bookmark! How could you?! Anyway, got it back, gave it some good annotations and hope to return it to you tomorrow. Ate snake after school, did some SLYC work before skipping out of school at 1630 for meeting at SPS.

We started chun chun at 1800hrs, there's a majestic satisfaction in starting on time. Went till about 8, got lots discussed. My goal: Get minutes out before Thursday. 2 hour job at most, I can do a great job if only i want to. So i will do it! Where did i leave my minutes template?

Went to the Restaurant at the Centre of the World (Siglap Beer Garden) for dinner. Bro Nick introduced us to his favourite Bak Chow Mee (with a big big "NO MSG") sign on the front of the shop. Well, SUPERB as it tasted, and it was indeed divine, i'm sure the sheer quantity of tomato sauce makes up for the lack of MSG. But it *is* a very very tasty bowl of mee.

Home now, half past nine. Just enough time... watch Gundan Seed Destiny ep 40, ten minutes to shower and off to bed with me. My penance for tomorrow: Finish my marking, check through Aaron's notes (if he brings them) and get started on meeting minutes from this evening's meeting. I'm always so recharged after SLYC meetings. Either it's the fellowship and excitement, or there's more than just tomato sauce in that Bak Chow Mee....

2135hrs edit: Curse me for being an English teacher... i can't bear to leave any errors i notice during proofreading. Ok, now bed time pushed back to 2210hrs, in the name of grammatical blog sentences.

Blitzreading, now pay the price!!

2005-07-24T19:15:00.000+08:00

Let's start with the review about Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

I like it better than Order of the Phoenix, mainly cos it's not about boy with temper anymore. That boy Potter deserved a good slap in the last book. Of course, now that all the student characters are 16, they also happen to have discovered that boy and girl can kiss... and Rowling decided to put in significant mention about Ron Weasley's vertical and horizontal tongue wrestling matches.

Too bad about everyone's favourite elder wizard, i was personally very saddened but it wasn't, in my little opinion, the most important plot development in the book. All in all, i'll be happy when the final book comes out next year. It's been a long haul, waiting for the Harry Potter saga come to a close and like all long journeys, the arrival of the end brings both satisfaction (i hope!) and relief (usually).

And what's this about a price? Well, 4 hours of reading last night and today have meant that I still haven't prepared as fully for next week as I normally would have. The 'nua' factor, which makes me just sit and stare into space (or into cyberspace as it might be) has been strong this weekend; but i do so enjoy a relaxing weekend curled up with a book.

Oh, did i mention that yesterday I went to Orchard to buoy the economy even more? Bought a pair of shoes (whee!) for work and a pair of books (double whee!) for home. Finally also ordered Reynolds' "One World Divided" and Guicciardini's "Maxims and Reflections" from amazon.com Oh I can't wait for those darlings to arrive!!!

Time to face the new week with a smile, straightened shoulders and enthusiasm. Look lively lads, National Day's less than a fortnight hence!

I give thanks for this Friday

2005-07-22T23:35:00.000+08:00

Today has been a good day.

Normal day at school; my highly manageable timetable load for the moment gives me nothing I deserve to complain about. Made something of a start into preparing for the following week, which is always good considering how I am loathe to do work-related stuff over the weekend if I can help it.

After school, Aaron buzzed me for some help with workbook questions. I think i ended up going through more than just the answers to the questions. Gave a few pointers on how to take summative point-form notes from the text book. Shortly into the session, Cindy dropped by with a question about how to remember lots of dates. The answer I suggested: Timelines, annotated and updated. I wish I had someone to tell me all this when I was in Sec 2... Conman probably would have, but then i was the slacker student in those days who relied on wits to pull through what difficulties lack of industry caused. Perhaps the biggest surprise was Sandy, Siew Chee and some others from 2E3 who also popped by. I don't teach them this term but it was nice just to talk to them about some history questions they had as well as their general concerns about subject selection for next year.

Evening, met up with NIE crazy bunch at Esplanade market square. Ate nice food and shared some strategies for dealing with the legion of challenges that get thrown at us during school. I like our little sessions; they remind me of the tea parties that teachers and academics would have in closet oak panel chambers, discussing what latest books they had read and fielding opinions, like the armchair pundits they were, of up and coming youngsters. Well, we sat around a hawker centre table in the open air, but say what you want about English tea... it ain't got nothing on our kopitiam kopi.

Home now and to bed soon for blissful sleep... I don't have to wake up at unearthly 5am tomorrow.

Hit the ground running

2005-07-18T19:16:00.000+08:00

Heavy day today, relatively. Had eight periods of lessons, first thing off the bat. Glad that 2E1 and I had a good class to finish off the day. I think the rest of the classes are still in shock from seeing me in front of the blackboard. Was a little hard on Marcus today in class, maybe i should check in on him to make sure he's taking it alright. Or maybe it's me that's just the softy?

Oh! Witnessed a caning in class today. Coming from my school background, i hadn't witnessed any caning of any sort (apart from my own little tush getting whacked as a kid) since primary school. Well... the cane they used today was a hellava lot bigger than anything i remember from primary school. Poor lad was asked to bend over a chair and had a piece of cardboard placed over the bum as a cushion. I found it mildly amusing that the cardboard cushion was some cut-out that happened to be in the shape of a heart. Talk about hard love.

The thwack of the rotan (cane) as it impacted still echoes in my ears. I'm glad i was a goodie goodie in school, sorta... that isn't something i would relish facing.

Attended an O level comprehension workshop in the afternoon, found it very useful. The Sec 5s who were also attending did reasonably well to sit and give some attention to the presenter, one Marifi Yap- teacher for 7.5 years before taking leave to write an assessment book, promptly started a family (and wrote a second assessment book) before quitting teaching altogether to go into that lucrative field of education consultancy. Well, now I know what i didn't know when i was doing O level compre 10-year series... better late than never!

Left school at about 6, got home closer to 7. Contemplated going for a run or swim or something to clear the head, but have decided to write this first, pen my thoughts on the day before i go and wash the dust of the day from my pores.

I have to watch the new episode of Full Metal Panic: The Second Raid (anime) this evening, got the latest episode of Gundam Seed Destiny over the weekend and that was quite satisfying after many episodes of angsty indecision.

Oh what shall i have for dinner this evening... having a craving for lettuce... i had all of two oranges for lunch earlier; the canteen was choc-a-block crowded and i needed to get to the seminar by 1415. Healthy lunch, perhaps, but am famished now! Fruit stall didn't even have any papaya left so nothing very dense.

Argh... feeling hungry... must.. feed... face.... think i'll make a tuna salad sandwich... maybe two! Yum yum.

A pleasant sunday afternoon

2005-07-17T17:45:00.000+08:00

Woke up blissfully late today, 0945hrs. After a week of 5am starts, i sure can appreciate the luxury of waking up, seeing bright daylight streaming through the curtains and giving a contemptuous snort before rolling over in bed and going back to dreamland.

Had lunch with Zhao Jia, who came over to escape from the distractions at home. Working through the afternoon, we churned out lesson plans, put the perfectionist touches on powerpoint slides, discussed concepts for presenting topics to classes and many other disgustingly nerdy things. Of course, in the process we also talked alot of nonsense, updated friendster profiles and blogs, I got my Palm database going and as of now, about 1745, i'm contemplating what i'm going to feed my face for the evening meal.

Gotta get my Harry Potter today, otherwise I won't be cool!

Have no idea what to expect from this newest release... but one thing i do know, that Potter boy developed something of a bad temper in the last book, deserves a slap for some of his behaviour. Good thing I don't teach a Hogwarts. Better stick to muggle schools where we get tormeted by Dudleys and not Dracos.

A lot of things have happened since May 17

2005-07-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

...that's the understatement of the year.

Let's do the quick summary.

May 20: NIE exams finish... Freedom!!!!!! Start to begin earnest prepping for the Lasallian Leadership Training Camp 2005 (LLTC).

May 30: First organising team (OT) meeting for LLTC since the end of the guys' mid-year exams. Many things happen, not the least of which is the announcement of the LLTC 2005 logo, by Michael Ee from SJI. Lovely thing, wish i could design something like that... as it is all i can do is write and rave about it. Jason (SJI class of 2004, Judoka) has the credit for the theme "Be the Difference", which has that catchy ring to it that feels just right. Here's the logo.

Pretty isn't it? Well it went on the back of a very handsome T-shirt that is the envy of lots of us.

LLTC's stories would fill up an entire web-page, the experiences and memories of that journey, the friends and trials, the sheer exhiliration of the energy and inspiration there can only be palely related in words.

Suffice to say, for all it's ups and downs, LLTC '05 was unforgettable, not the least because it has been the first time i've been so involved in one in an organising capacity. I worked in the Secretariat team together with a bunch of the craziest, zaniest SJI guys i've every met. Wouldn't have them any other way. From the OT as a whole, their enthusiasm and passion has been an inspiration to me, that keeps me going with hopes and spirits high no matter what kind of nonsense the world can try and throw at me. Deep inside, you can't take away my smile, because i'm smiling for others not just myself.

The organising team for LLTC 2005, all you guys... so happy to have shared this journey with ya!

Papabear Kenny (Cleopatra pose on floor), you've Been the Difference for all of us. We couldn't have done it without you!

...skip forward to... July 11th!

NIE Practicum starts: Bishan Park Secondary School.

I'm back in BPSS! Happy to be back too. Good school, loveable kids, good friends on staff, near Thompson Plaza so i can do supermarketing and haircut without having to go all the way out there! Near church... even though i don't go there on weekdays, it's always nice to pass by.

I got back my 2E1 History class! Quite happy. Had a good run with them in Jan/Feb, hope to repeat enjoyable lessons for all of us till the end of term 3. Starting lessons on the Road to Singapore's independence on Monday.

And with that, i conclude the mega-brief summary of the life of Ben since May 17.

Just today we had a post-LLTC evaluation session which graduated into a social day with a few of the OT. Stopped by PS for some ice-cream (after an attempt to smuggle people into a NC16 movie... unsuccessfully!) before adjourning further to Kenny's place for a LLTC B proto-planning session with said Kenny, Facilitators Afzal, Darrick, Kann and special guest star Eugene Chum plotted and schemed towards a project of their own later this year. Finished the evening with order-in food and a viewing of Brother Bear on DVD. I'd willingly go through a stressful week every week if i could end it with days like this.

Now home, was reminded that i own a blog by other LLTC Sec Facil Matt Li, felt guilty, just finished writing this multi-hundred word entry to assuage my guilt, now resolve to return to blogging more regularly.

Off to bed now, hoping to go for early Mass tomorrow. Leave ya with another picture, randomly chosen in a careful manner.

Sea Anemone of sorts taken at Kusu Island during 26 June Reefwalk (thanks to Yihao for re-introducing me to my marine biology childhood). Didn't get any pictures of snapping shrimp, even though we saw a free swimming one... plus a flower crab big enough to eat!!

Back!!! Thanks to getting reminded.

2005-07-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog,

I'm back!

You have Matt Li to thank for that- reminding me that i did have you.

Now you will live once again!

Dear Blog

2005-05-17T12:40:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog,

I haven't forgotten you, it's just that I've had so many things to do of late.

Ben.

Monday evening

2005-05-09T20:24:00.000+08:00

Just for the record... I notice i posted this morning... and it feels, right now, like a long time ago...

Where have all the words gone?

2005-05-09T07:39:00.000+08:00

What happened to the verbose posts of only a few weeks ago?

Well, it's hell week. I feel like i have about 10k words worth of assignments due. Assignments are like leeches... they stick on you and (while it is possible) they almost never come off until they have grown red and fat from sucking your lifeblood out in the form of words submitted on paper.

I'm bleeding here...

Okay this is weird

2005-05-03T22:04:00.000+08:00

Yes.. i've been awake for so many hours i should be delirious and drifting into unconsciousness... went straight from Sunday morning to today minus an afternoon 3 hour nap on Monday. How is this possible? it's tuesday night and i feel like it's the end of a normal day, not one where i haven't had a wink of sleep in over 24 hours.

weird weird.

but i'm going to bed now, cos i somehow *know* deep down inside that tomorrow, is going to be a sleep debt day.

Sub-occular recepticals at maximum!!!! zoot! zoot! zootieee!

2005-05-03T07:12:00.000+08:00

Just pulled an all-nighter for this Micro Lesson assessment presentation. In truth, i should have been able to finish over the weekend but that's another storiee... I like my powerpoint... power power power point... la la power point... power power power point!

Got TWO exams today... the viva voce for UET, which comprises of me speaking to Mr Microphone to say some words from a page, then Speaking to Mr Mehdi Namazie, on a topic but without words from any page to refer to.

THEN, got to give da Micro Lessonz!

I'm so in need of kopi... need... kopi. Bad. Need. Now.

Got the reading class with THAT Ang M Y, bound to sleep.... i normally wanna die in that class, now with zombius maximus condition, confirm die... i should just bring my pillow to class and tell her that resistance is futile. Need kopi...

Still have to write my speakers' notes for my microlesson, better go find some KOPI and then write them quickly before my brain deteriorates any more. Been wanting to write something more analytical and meaningful than just reflections of a zombie boy on a tuesday morning, but doesn't look like it's going to happen. I better stick to just reporting for now, before i embarass myself with some slipshod commentary on something suitably frivilous.

A creature of habit am I.

2005-04-29T09:07:00.000+08:00

Didn't I just mention that Friday is the only day I don't start at 0830? Well, what the hell am i doing here in school at 0830 then? Stupid Ben didn't think, stupid Ben went into auto pilot. He went to take a shower, then mechanically, methodically, he packed his books for the day and, realising that it was still 4:31 (on his watch) but already 8:29 (on his handphone), decided to make a B line for school because he's late for class!!!!.... not.

Class starts at 1030hrs today, so I'm stuck in school with nothing to do but eat and study.

Anybody wanna play Chinese Chess?

Backbreaking resolutions

2005-04-29T07:02:00.000+08:00

It's Friday morning! Of all the days in the week, Friday is the only day when classes to not start at 0830hrs. Funny, then, that Friday morning is *always* the day when I never have difficulty waking up.

I became aware, not two days ago, that this coming weekend is longer than usual! Being the firebrand champion of proletarian freedom that I am, (I say shoot the protesters rather than lock them up, they shall be free-er in death and we won't have to feed them) it had not actively occured to me to remember May 1st as Labour Day here in Singapore. So what's a poor student to do with a three day recess from school and a list of assignments longer than a 5-year old's Christmas hopes? No holidays for me. At most I can hope for one day of decadent life over the weekend where I can pour over my leisure books or bask in the sun while on the tennis court. Maybe. If I'm good. Maybe.

What I really have to do over this weekend, though, is break the spine of several major assignments. Have a major history presentation on 3rd May (Microteaching). Been taking some notes during the previous presentations and I've jotted some good ideas down (well i think they're pretty ok in any event). Then there's PBL PBL PBL. Problem Based Learning is the new buzzword and like all buzzwords, NIE implements it to show that they're really up to date with the latest trends but then goes and tweaks it enough so that it ends up being 'We don't teach you WHAT to memorise anymore, but we'll still test you on it!". I'm actually a fan of PBL, I really am! It's an effective system for developing independent learning and fosters in students a critical eye for salient information out of the mass of data that's out there. What doesn't sit so well with me is doing things 'for show', quite especially when they are not true to the spirit of the original and most especially when it doesn't work! Even in the Army, things 'for show' did work. Cleaning the place up for some bigwig's inspection did actually result in the place being cleaner. Putting on a mock demonstration of whatever sort actually did involve the procedures normally carried out, extra parades (while being an intrinsic pain in the *cough*) still did serve as platforms for the coy / unit to gather and business could still be carried out. Oh dear, I'm whining again. Better stop.

I wanna get back on NwN.... the D&D bug is itching... itching... itching.

Things I'm looking forward to in May (in no particular order):

1) Star Wars Ep 3!
2) Formatting my hard disc on desktop at home
3) Maybe getting back on NwN
4) More tennis!
5) Maybe I'll finally get a TV at home. Might as well try to acquire PS2 or DVD player while I'm at it. (Klaxon: PRODUCTIVITY THREAT WARNING)
6) Getting to read more books again
7) More driving, it's a royal pain to get lessons done during the week
8) Maybe new graphics card? Can't stand this spontaneous reboot nonsense anymore.

It's 7am. 90 minutes to class.

The weekend is within my grasp... we will waits... then we TAKES the precioussss.....

Cool Storm

2005-04-28T19:14:00.000+08:00

Cool Storm! Where away?
White on blue fades to grey on grey.

Cool Storm. Brewing above.
The rumble of thunder in the clouds,
Like knights of old, on true steeds mounted,
Lining up for the gallant charge.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

Cool Storm. Frontal rain.
Myriad arrows loosed from silent bows,
A mute chorus as they fall,
But a single note do they live to sing,
A lone beat as the raindrop falls.

Cool Storm. Lightning here!
I freeze like a hare as my world goes white.
Lightning flashes close and the heart feels true,
Fear lives... deep inside.
My pulse is still racing.

Cool Storm. Passed overhead.
Crisp air and the smell of grass.
Grey on grey becomes slate on white,
There is relief, yet sadness, at the passing of fury,
Until next time.

When the fit hits the shan

2005-04-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

Had lunch with Calvin today, he's going to finish his Materials Engineering course this sem. How long ago it did seem that we were playing soccer with the rest of the guys out on the SJI track during recess. It's going to be the 10-year reunion dinner next year... already!

It's the beginning of crunch time. That wonderful month when everything comes together in the poignant moment of crushing pressure. Anyhow, it's going to be head down and nose in the books for a while.

One more thing to report: Today I witnessed my watch die, right in front of my eyes. I was setting the stopwatch so that i could time a three-minute block for a classmate's verbal presentation when the little thing gave one last defiant 'beep', the LCD flashed briefly and faded out. The 'seconds' hand of the watch stopped moving and I felt a deep sense of forboding.

Until further notice, it will be perpetually 4:31.

Uh oh.

2005-04-24T17:08:00.000+08:00

...It's late afternoon and I just revived myself from the the sleepy stupour.

Say it together with me everyone: "Ben is so screwed"

Opportunities

2005-04-23T18:03:00.000+08:00

When your heart and mind hold different opinions, which should you listen to?

Is the weak heart leaning toward the comfortable, easy, clear path?

The mind argues for the challenging unknown, where the unfamilair beckons with her promises of rewards borne of the unexpected.

It isn't very often that one is asked to 'come on board'. Many people go through their entire life never being offered so. Would one not be a fool among fools to hear the knock of opportunity but let it pass because it was unexpected?

I'm going to have to make a very important decision over this weekend. I fear the some people will be unhappy no matter which option i decide on. Still, the decision must be made and those who deserve answers must be given them. Honour demands it.

It is putting one's trust in the judgement of another, who you hope has a better view of the landscape than you do. Part of being successful seems to be the willingness to seize opportunities when they present themselves. The other part seems to be sticking with carefully laid plans that have been long in the making.

...I hope I will not regret what I'm about to do, but even so- there is no place for regret in a life that is forward looking. Regret often teaches telling lessons but it is up to the individual to not let these chain you down, but carry you ever forward into the future.

Once a decision is made, there should be no more worry about that choice. Only a burning conviction to take responsibility for that decision and do poignant justice to the quest laid at your feet.

A higher high than narcotics

2005-04-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

Today was a good day. An exceptional day. I want to remember today. It wasn't fairytale perfect, but that's what makes it such a realistic example of a day's sequence i wouldnt mind repeating.

The morning proceeded as most Thursday mornings have- early class at 0830hrs. Then it got ineresting. During the Education Psychology module (PED515) my group (Wayne, Alison and myself) were due to give our PBL presentation. Pedagogical research has been of the firm opinion that the average attention span for any listener is about 10-15 minutes, 20 minutes at the most. It was rather hypocritical, then, that the lecturer's plan was for five groups to each give back-to-back presentations of 20 minutes each... and expect people to learn something from everything. Well, i decided i would do something about the people sleeping with their eyes wide open. I must have left my "cautious hat" at home, since as I look back it seems horribly out of character. As a pre-activity, I taught the lethagic sleeping beautys (aka the trainee teachers) one of Aaron's action songs. It was something I first encountered and learnt at the 13th Nat Lasallian Leaders' Convention and have since heard reprises many times, live performances in Ipoh, Singapore and Hong Kong. Top of the chart material for sure.

Tra la la leero/
Tra la la leero
Tra la la leero/ leero/ la- la- la-
Tra la/ la/ leero
Tra la/ la/ leero
Tra la la leero\ la la

...you don't need to hear the tune or know the actions to the song to guess that the ever so self-concious trainee teachers didn't really get into the spirit of the song. Well, I'm not really bothered about it. My intention was achieved- I got them woken up, got their attention and was even able to tie the energiser activity to the presentation we gave immediately afterwards: "Learning Theories can be applied to and combined with principles of Classroom Management to enhance the learning environment". Basically, knowing who your students are and how people think in general makes you a better teacher. Well... duh... I'm sure I didn't already know that... But it's an assesment task so, in bureaucratic Singapore school style, we do things because we have to do them. I'm not here to just go through the motions; I wanted the audience to have a better impression of our presentation, hence the song. I think it was better than just starting off talking and bringing them even closer to REM sleep. That's all the justification I feel I needed.

Over lunch, had a lively meeting with my field trip group (Claire, Karen, Mardi, Esther) about the evergreen topic that may be applied to so many different subjets "what are we gonna do?!?! This is due next week!!". After fruitful discussion (we felt less panicky after consoling each other... and eating lunch), Mardi, Karen and I went to the ECT Computer Lab on the pretext of working; Mardi to do her Dreamweaver project, Karen to research for the Microlesson and myself to...well... make sure the air conditioning was cold enough. I *was* intending to prepare some slides and get some photos for the Webquest and Microlesson. However, eventually ended up doodling in the sketchbook and talking on MSN.

Now for the highlight of the day! Tennis madness!

Met up with Don, his room mate John and another NTU Hall 12 (i think) resident Yi Hua at NIE Court One. I haven't felt the intensity of having to stretch my game like that in a long time. Sure, I was without a shadow of a doubt the most rusty player on court, but I felt that I got better as the warm up progressed. I think I really miss the tennis days of Ormond College. I took the convenience of nearby courts and accessible sparring partners for granted- as did all of us in those days. We were 'there' and we could play on a couple of hours notice.

The game we had was pretty even- unforced errors and dazzling winners being evenly distributed between the two sides. Don was kind enough to bear with me as a doubles partner, with Yi Hua and John on the other side of the net. It went 6-2, 4-6, 7-6 to Don and myself, but it could have gone either way in so many of the games. I really enjoyed it... I can't find the words to describe the simple, overwhelming satisfaction of that evening's tennis.

What could make such a great day better? Why... finishing it off with some excellent food! After an army-quick shower, we packed into Don's car and hooned down to an old fashioned hawker centre for some chow. When I say "Old fashnioned hawker centre", I mean good and cheap food housed in a structure that looks like it could collapse at any minute. Fishhead curry, Sambal Kang kong, Sea cucumber, all in claypot... washed down with "home-made" barley.

Got back to the room, finished watching Last Exile and then did a chapter of reading from each of my active books: On War, The Prince, Watership Down and The Lessons of History (by the Durants).

All in all, if I had to retire, I'd want to have more days like this.

*does happy camper dance*

note: It's past midnight at time of posting, but i'm going to backdate it to this great Thursday. Long may she live in memory and soonest may her activities be revisited (with the exception, perhaps, of the too-cranial-for-8am morning class)

My kind of pontiff?

2005-04-20T11:41:00.000+08:00

As of time of writing, Pontiff Elect Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger is going to be Pope Benedict XVI.

I feel as if a new monarch is about to ascend the throne; the air is charged with a tingle of anticipation. Anxiety, perhaps, at what a new helmsman will bring? And maybe a little nagging worry about what he won't.

The BBC's various articles about Benedict XVI depict him as someone who, while conservative and elderly, does not appear to be mild mannered and timid in the way one might expect someone who is almost an octogenarian to be. Much has been speculated about how he might rule based on some of his previous associations; most notably a stint in the Hitler Youth and his role as head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith (aka The Inquisition).

Since the late John Paul II was elected pope before I was born, I may lay claim to the fact that Pope Benedict is 'special to me' in being the first pontiff to have assumed office in my lifetime. This novelty will last, I suspect, until he decides it is time to pay a visit to St Peter.

Still, fairly rare are the people who change drastically when they assume high office- in the new Pope's case he's been in 'high office' for more than 20 years, having been a Cardinal since 1977 (also before I was born). If power corrupts, as some argue it always will, he's pretty far gone already. Probably nothing he can do now that he wouldn't have done already (checklist: Burning, Flaying, Excommunication, Thumbscrews, decreeing that Spongebob, Squarepants and Barney are immoral)

So what can I realistically hope for in the Panzer Cardinal turned Pope? From what the pundits and talking heads are saying, not alot of ideological change or reform. Probably got to expect an even more vigourous attack on the 'evils' that the Church deems out of sync with the teachings of the Word; abortion, homosexualty, euthanasia, ordained female clergy... I'm sure the list continues ad nauseum.

Stablity is good, tradition is good. I think the me of today can live with a slightly more conservative Church. Faith is quite personal for me anyway; I'm not going to start protesting on the streets one way or another just because the leader of the temporal congregation doesn't like bell bottoms. (bell bottoms are evil anyway)

So, white smoke and the ringing of churchbells. Life's richness is but a collection of our experiences. I can add this one to my little bag of memories, perhaps one day it will make a decent story for the grandkids.

Just when you thought there was no hope...

2005-04-19T17:53:00.000+08:00

This was related to us by one our lecturers in class today. Don't tell him I told you, or else he'll probably lose his job and have to take up a higher paying one at a more prestigious institution.

Three Nuns died and went to heaven.

St Peter, who guards the Gates of Heaven, welcomed them and said:
"Welcome Sisters, before you are allowed to enter, you must- like all who have come before you- first answer a question. Your answer will determine whether you are worthy for Paradise."

Turning to the first nun, St Peter asked, "What was the name of the first man?"

Smiling, the nun replied, "Adam."

"Correct! In you go" said St Peter. The golden gates swung inward, revealing a lush green pasture beyond. The first nun hurried in and the gates swung closed. St Peter now turned his attention to the second nun who was looking rather worried.

"Here is your question, Sister," he said, "What was the name of the first woman?"

Relieved, the nun replied confidently, "Eve."

""Correct! In you go!" The second Nun shuffled through the gates into Paradise. For a second time, the huge gates swung closed. The third nun was now feeling quite troubled indeed. Unperturbed, St Peter addressed her with the same finality he had addressed her two Sisters.

"What was the first thing Eve ever said to Adam?" The lone nun felt totally at a loss. However, her years of life as a good and devout sister told her to be honest with the saint, in the hope that it might pay off.

"That's a hard one..." she finally said, preparing to beg for mercy.

St Peter smiled. "Correct! In you go...."

Sometimes.... just sometimes..... NIE is okay.

What's to do on a weekend?

2005-04-17T12:05:00.000+08:00

I should be doing work. I want to vege.

Lack the motivation to do much that is productive, yet feel too guilty to do anything playful with satisfaction.

Times like this I wish I was back at work...

Saturdays

2005-04-16T19:54:00.000+08:00

Had the long-awaited LLTC meeting today. Except it wasn't that long in the end. We barely had 50% attendance, the rest of the facilitators being unable to attend for various (always reasonable) sounding reasons ranging from "I've got national juniors training" to "I slept late last night so my mum grounded me". The realities of 16-year olds on a Saturday morning.

On the one hand, i was more than a little disappointed. These chaps are supposed to be the creme de la creme from SJI and SPS and they are arguably involved in one of the most important endeavours they can be called upon to serve in; the training and formation of the next crop of leaders in the school. On the other hand, perhaps it is because they are among the most engaged and involved student leaders that they are overstretched, maybe a little overcommitted and prone to sleeping late on Friday nights, hence resulting in creme de la creme leader being grounded by la mère.

Still, I believe it was a fruitful session for those who attended. Due to lack of numbers we were not able to have the rehearsal for the Heritage play but we walked through the programme and gave everyone a fair grounding of our progress before our LLTC prep goes into hiatus for the mid-year exam madness.

I was especially happy that all the Secretariat people were present. It was probably co-incidence, given that there was no particular pattern to the absenteeism, but we were at full strength! Score one for the bureaucrats!

Since rehearsal wasn't going to happen, we cut the meeting at about 2 and a bunch of us went for lunch at "the Shun Fu coffee shop with nice Briyani". It was good. I had too much barley. Returned home afterwards to finish up some school and SLYC paperwork before taking a nap. Oh the joy of sleeping during daylight hours, i miss it from uni days and i fear those opportunities will become ever more infrequent.

My four most vivid memories for today: (in no particular order)

1. Alextine feeling frustrated at the True Meaning of "Walk the Talk".

2. Zixiang in the pinkest pink shirt I've ever seen this side of Texas, complete with matching pink pencil case and (newly 'acquired') pink water bottle. (happy belated birthday btw!)

3. Jerry, Darren and Dom just back from their recce trip, ready to kill anyone who stood between them and the nearest tap or water cooler.

4. Tim smiling like a Cheshire cat (at Jerry and co) as he exclaimed "Welcome to St Pats!". He has an impish evil side, that man.

I'm addicted to ink on wood.

2005-04-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

Been a bad week. For studying at night anyway. With the exception of last night, I didn't get alot accomplished outside school hours. Brought a new batch of books from home for bedtime reading... and promptly brought 'bedtime' back to about 7pm, wherein I spent the vast majority of Monday and Tuesday evenings devouring six different titles with the voraciousness only procrastination can inspire. Wednesday I was out in the city (which is bad)... with colleagues (which is sad)... shopping (which is really bad)...

At least it was for a birthday present, which I shall use as my poor excuse to vindicate my actions and console myself since the soles of my feet were extremely sore on Wednesday evening.

I'm going to repeat the good practice i started last week of packing my worldly belongings and lugging them to class today, so that i don't have to return to my room after the final lecture and 1630 and end up rotting in the room until 6 plus.

Everyone's having exams, well at least everyone from NTU anyway. They flood the library, annoying the head librarian to no end since said senior member of the library staff is extremely particular about people wearing slippers, singles, dyed hair, long hair, sitting with legs anywhere but flat on the floor (as one would have them while playing the piano during an A.Mus exam) and other rules The One On High appointed her to be sole guardian of. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to taking some perverse satisfaction in her frustration. I've got nothing against rules but there is also something known as tact, which I feel is somewhat lacking in her less than gentle and often curt comments. I'm a stickler for manners. I feel extremely particular about them in fact. And I consider myself extremely particular about very very few things (many would disagree.. but anyway...). But yes, we were talking about NIE's head librarian. She'll march right up to you like Mother Superior on a bad hair day and, with no preamble beyond a tritely uttered "excuse me", begin to lecture you as if you had been caught exposing your leg above the little toe.

Still, I have a good NIE Head Librarian story to record here, that posterity may know not to mess with Claudia. Claudia is a history-literature teacher trainee in the same batch as I. A few of us were in the library cafe area, at the sofas behind the cafe counter for those familiar with the floor layout, just minding our own business and generally being caught up in the twenty million assignments. Claudia is sitting cross legged (shoes off but feet on seat). Mother Superior whisks up and asks Claudia to put her feet down. No problem. Claudia smiles and tension levels go down. Mother Superior now makes the big boo boo. She says something to the effect of "(in a condescending tone) Now this isn't the first time I've had to pull you up for this, ISN'T IT?"

It was going to be a bad day for Mother Superior. Suffice to say, Claudia dropped the "I'm a gentle and sweet former CHIJ girl" hat and put on her "You old hag! No one speaks to me that way! Prepare to be bitch slapped!" hat. Mother Superior, chastised and clutching her rosary beads with trembling hands, bade a hasty retreat to wherever it is Head Librarians go when then don't want to be seen in public.

Score one for the forces of Gondor.

The Fuhrer and I

2005-04-15T14:17:00.000+08:00

Those who know me from my ACS (junior) days will no doubt testify that I was something of a prat, smart alec brat with a head three sizes too big for his own good. At least that's how I remember myself at my worst in Primary School. I was the kid I would slap today. Hard. Twice.

My friends from the good old SJI days will probably testify that I was still too noisy and me-centred. I sincerely realise that now and I wish that I had been more considerate of my classmates' feelings, especially my fellow class committee members.

Close Comrades from my "flaming Red" Scotch College days (Bees, JACN, Charlie, Cam, Yung, Jammin, Dr J, the Rev and RG Anderson) will know that I used to have laser-printed portraits of certain non-fascist political figures pasted in prominent places in my room.

My "we wear No. 4 and coveralls" friends from 30 might have called me a pain in the behind, but perhaps I gentler one than some others.

Even at my worse during university, I never executed anyone!

How then... did I end up becoming "Hitler!" in NIE?! I don't even like the man! It's all 'Auntie' Claire's fault. Just because Fahmi and I taught the class a German Hitler Youth song (for history lesson!!), we are now Nazis. The Nazis did horrible things! I don't want to do horrible things! (unless people REALLY deserve it, in which case I will not hesitate to shoot them in non-lethal places and let death be slow)

Maybe I'll teach the class the Afrikacorps Panzer anthem and they can associate me with Rommel or the Panzertruppen march and they'll let me append Guderian to my name. They're both better than that Hitler dude! As Rommel or Guderian, I can roll my tanks through crowds of civilians if they don't agree to join the Reichwehr. I can ride in the tank column as we parade through the gutted, burning shells of conquered capital cities. The trembling of the earth as we approach, the low rumbling before the crescendo as the Panzers line for the assault. The thunderclap as the King Tiger's main turret cannon lets loose its fury upon the hapless Shermans.

Sorry, my imagination got carried away. I just want to be a teacher. Simple life, simple stipend. No need to shoot or kill or exectute or maim anyone.

(unless they REALLY deserve it)

I back in the World!

2005-04-12T06:17:00.000+08:00

It didn’t feel like that many days since I last posted, but I guess time flies by when we turn our head to look the other way.

Last week ended, the weekend whizzed by in a blur of sloth, which isn’t an oxymoron when I think about it carefully…. I think.

I got a copy of Etherlords II, a 2003 game published by Nival Interactive and Strategy First. Found it in the bargain bin at one of the shops in Sim Lim. (It’s got the word “Green” in it, but otherwise quite nondescript) I was actually quite overjoyed on Wednesday when I found it before the field trip to Waterloo St.

Suffice to say… Etherlords II is chiefly responsible for my sloth over the weekend.

The phrase is “Rain on your party”, used to describe people who dampen the mood of an otherwise festive occasion. Well, it rained on our field trip. In fact, it poured! I haven’t been out in a thunderstorm of that intensity in a long time; since army days really, when we were ‘out’ in any kind of weather that was happening at the time. Lightning flashed with quarter-second thunder delays, the sound of pattering water all around us was deafening. The water at some places was almost up to ankle depth (the fault of poor urban drainage as much as the deluge). I had fun… yes, I think I mentioned before that I like storms. Except when I want to play tennis… During *those* storms I raise my racquet to the sky and cry out in rage and frustration, weeping for yet another game lost to the weather.

Another member to my family joined me over the weekend. Callimachus, my new portable hard drive, is my newest family member. He joins Peregrine (Laptop), Fletchet (thumb drive… which has currently gone walkabout) and Penumbra (mp3 usb thingie) in my family of techie gadgets that are doing their part to keep Ben sane, happy and well fed. If I once thought I was married to my desktop computer, I must be a conjoined twin to my new laptop. I take it *everywhere*… I just feel insecure without it. Perry’s heavy, black, bulky, has a crap video card so that I can’t play games on him, takes forever to start up ever since I installed antivirus on him and in general adds about 4kg (with his power pack) to my backpack. But the places I would go without him are increasingly few.

In line with my fascination with fanciful naming conventions for all my computer related storage media, Callimachus is so named after a librarian of the same appelation from the Great Library of Alexandria. Callimachus was not the first, nor was he the last librarian- but his singular distinction was the creation of the Pinakes, a catalogue of the contents of the library’s several hundred thousand collected works. Anecdotal evidence puts the Pinakes at about 120 scrolls / books containing critical and biographical information about all the works and their authors. Handwritten. Probably on Papyrus. Hand copied. Probably many times. I’m impressed.

There’s actually some dispute about whether Callimachus was a librarian or just a scribe. Discovered this during my research into his name and the librarians of Alexandria in general. Suffice to say, Callimachus is the one to whom credit for the Pinakes is given. Seeing as my new drive was to be an archive and storage port of sorts, I think my little drive would appreciate his namesake.

Assignment! Due today! What the hell I am doing blogging! AAAAhhhhgggghhh!!!

Spent

2005-04-07T13:11:00.000+08:00

Just got back from dinner after history fieldtrip. Chicken rice was good. Teh "bing" was better.

Feel like i've been through a war... damn i've gone soft.

I knew it!

2005-04-06T09:12:00.000+08:00

Barry once told me that I'd end up as the Prime Minister, even when I was a wee lad in Sec One. My history teacher also, once, told me that I'd probably end up in prison (with my firebrand ideologies back then), when I was a still lad but not so wee at 17.

I am grateful to Alex for the distraction that was the Japanese Name Generator. Unfortunately, my Japanese name was less than inspiring, so I figured I'd run for president instead.

Here's what I got.

Which Presidential Candidate Are You?
Rung from Rum and Monkey's very own liberty bell.

It is truly a testament to America's freedom of information campaign that I have never heard of Leonard Peltier. Here's what the site says about my my politically ambitious criminally convicted alter ego:

" A Native American citizen of the Anishinabe and Lakota Nations, you’re considered by many people and organisations – Amnesty International, Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama among them – to be an illegally-held political prisoner and a blight on the already spotty human rights record of the United States. A campaigner for the rights of Native American peoples, you organised security for a tribe which was encountering violence from pro-assimilation groups – and were subsequently involved in a shoot-out on June 26, 1975.
Now in jail, you’ve decided to run for President of the United States as part of the Peace & Freedom Party. Sure, you can’t participate in the democratic process as a convicted felon, but you were wrongly accused, right? Right. And anyway, it’s worth it to draw attention to the plight of the oppressed native people throughout the country. "

In Germany, we would have shot him (or sent him to the Russian Front) and saved the money spent feeding him for 20 years on beer 'n bratwurst parties.

In Russia, we would have put him to work for 20 years in the gulag, then shot him and saved the money for Vodka 'n Shahlik parties.

In China, we would have conscripted him into the Peoples' Grand National Army, and he would never have been seen again, but his next-of-kin would be assured that he died a truly glorious dead... not just for the Party, but for all the people of China!

In Singapore... we would probably have first frozen his assets, sued his pants off, chucked him in jail for 20 years to do hard labour making Happy Meal toys, then written a book about him and sold it to our own people for millions, all proceeds donated by the Party to an approved charitable organisation for birthday parties for little kiddies from oppressed backgrounds aspiring to become President.

It didn't rain today, but that's ok. I discovered that the almond jelly sold by the canteen makes me happy.

The end has arrived and all rejoice!

2005-04-05T11:47:00.000+08:00

The end! The end of PE!!!

What's PE? Surely not Physical Education? I shan't allude to the politely stifled guffaws when it came to light that I had actually been a PE teacher for a brief stint in July 2004.

No, this PE is of a different kind- Pupil Experience. It's the brainchild of NIE's English Language department, aiming to give newbies (like me!) a chance to practice some techniques and experiement using real-life school students. In other words, they give you a lesson plan and some concrete slippers before throwing you off the deep end. The survivors become certified English teachers.

But PE is over, last class... as much as I enjoyed teaching them, i must confess to no small degree of relief that the whole thing is over. The actual teaching part is fine, it's the long and tedious process of preparing for each session that is so time consuming and draining. If we were able to prepare our own lessons, it would be less of a drag, but we are constrained to give very a specific focus each lesson and (through no intentional fault of his), our supervisor's feedback and comments more often than not contributed to our frustration in the same way a back seat driver makes you want to drive off the cliff.

So almost all 18 of us newbie teachers packed up our worries and went down to Swenson's to celebrate. Food was good, photos of estatic teachers letting hair down were even better. Some things must never see the light of day, such photographs must be held in secret until the day they may be profitably used to blackmail a future Principal or Cluster Superintendent. Is that a hair clip in your hair? You look as if you ate an entire Earthquake (16 scoops of ice cream in a big glass bowl) by yourself! No, thankfully those are not of me. My sins will never come to light! Never!!!

It rained again today. Glorious rain! Cleans the earth and cools my room. No boom box, getto blaster or surround sound speaker array can reproduce the sheer aural exhiliration of witnessing the blinding flash of lightning and deafening peal of thunder that sets your diaphragm rumbling and the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end with animal-like anticipation. I do so love thunderstorms, especially when I'm not stuck out in the field wearing SAF Type No. 4 issue camouflage uniform running for the nearest form of shelter, which happens to be your combat helmet bouncing merrily on your head. But in truth those were fun days too. My forays into the field in driving rain were infrequent enough to engender a sense of nostalgia. Less can be said for the never-ending afternoons under the blazing hot sun, where you can feel the heat radiate up from the ground, reflect back down from whatever stands overhead and hover just at the side of your ear. At least I got a tan out of it. Can't argue with that.

I hope it rains tomorrow!

Dinner in slippers, thoughts in slivers

2005-04-03T12:20:00.000+08:00

Had dinner at the Hall 14 canteen. Jio-ed Claudia from her weekend meditations and was able to tempt her out to have a tea and a cookie of sorts from the pao 'n drinks stall.

Through a wide ranging conversation, two things i'd like to record for the aliens who will dig this blog up from the ice in 20,000 years time.

one: Death in our modern society is pretty much encompassed by filling in forms.

two: NIE Postgrad dip trainess have alot of baggage we could do without.

What will happen when the time comes for me to "go" ? There are the numerous questions that always seem to be asked...

"What if I had just... ?"

"If only I had...? "

"I only wish I had......."

"My toe is itchy and here I am about to die with an itchy toe and I can't do anything about it...."

For the die-er (is there an active form of the verb Death? Run=Runner, Swim=Swimmer, etc), i suppose allowance may be made for a certain element of religiosity; if the person is so inclined (either as a lifelong commitment or a sudden conversion at the edge of the cliff).

Is there a world beyond life? Pascal didn't think there any harm in wagering on it. For me there is, although with the kind of person I am, I don't know if i'd get past the bouncer into that Club. "Doubt" is such a useful part of a penetential faith, keeps motivation among the adherents up!

But our thoughts were on the living, not the dead, weren't they Horatio? Death involves so much....paperwork.... Wills, executors/trixs, probate lawyers, all the people who suddenly have a claim to the $2.57 that was found left in your bank account and, of course, Mr Taxman.

The easy, quick solution for the die-er? Don't die.

The easy, quick solution for the people left to clean up the mess? Mortal combat mud-wrestling until only one claimant remains. He/she then settles all the outstanding estate matters for the original die-er, initiates the estate matters for all the people involved in the mud-wrestling part and ensures that the probate lawyer's children, grandchildren and their grandchildren will have enough money to go study anything they want at any university in the world, until they retire.

I'm glad i've got a Will. Simple as it is, it allows me to die- but it also allows my (currently non-existent) spouse and (currently unborn) children to avoid mud-wrestling for the $27.36 currently in my wallet. (yes, i was so bored i actually counted and have since deposited the 1c coin somewhere it may be found by aliens when they dig us up from the ice in 20,000 years).

What was point number two? Oh yes... NIE postgrads and our baggage.

Suffice to say, we all have chips on our shoulder, are more competitive among ourselves than we would- in our self-conscious vanity- like to admit and want to appear omniscient while having a self inferiority complex borne of inexperience. The result? Tension, perfectionism, some lack of trust during corporate endeavours and alot of dirty laundry that show a side of ourselves most of us would loathe to admit exists.

Note to self: Happy post next time, k? Something with rabbits playing in the field on a sunny day.

Exiled!

2005-04-03T08:06:00.000+08:00

There is no rest for the wicked.

We are taught this adage by our English teachers in secondary school who, if we are lucky, don't explain that this is the way the world runs and thus keep us in blissful ignorance for the next ten years or so. Unfortunately, mine told us the truth, along with the fact that Santa and the Tooth Fairy were but encouraged figments of our imagination. He also taught us how to use innuendo to it's fullest effect, allowing us to take even the most innocent comprehension passage and extrapolate the context to it's vice-ridden imaginative extreme. We had tremendous fun during English... yes.

But back to the Exile. Three kind gents are giving the ceiling in my room a new coat of what I suspect to be the same stuff i used to plaster all over my Bata shoes as a wee lad. Why think I thus? Because it's white, it's wet, it's powdery when dry and lasts indefinitely until you kick a soccer ball against it. It also drips like a bloodhound's jaws at the sight of a raw T-bone section, explaining my swift extraction from that place. So I headed back west, to the ends of the earth, to my hermit cave in NTU (complete with firewalled internet connection) where the nearest living soul is 20000 miles and one door away, for all the interaction we sometimes have with one another.

NTU hostelites are a nice bunch of people, they come out at night often after the sun has set. The corridors echo the 'scrape-flap, scrape-flap' sound of their slippers (or thongs as my Australian friends insist on calling them) walking too and from wherever they seem to head. To the rooms of other hostelites, to the pantry and back, to the washroom and back, to the communal dustbin and back. Smells waft from their rooms. Once foreign, each is distinctly familiar by now- milo, instant noodles (various types including maggie, indo mee and koka), coffee and others. Like owls hooting in the still night, the humid silence is occasionally pierced by a muffled call of "Dota! Dota!" as they rally their fellows in heroic response to yet another threat to world peace. (note: "Dota" refers to a popular Warcraft III computer game sub-variant known as Defence Of The Ancients. Immensely popular, it has reputedly consumed almost as many playing hours as stalwards like Diablo II among its most fervent adherents.)

I can hear Ian's voice calling out to me from Shanghai: "Do your work you lazy bastard!". Yes, i should be. Soon, not yet, but soon... I need to charge the Desperation Meter just a little bit more before I unleash my 22-hit air-combo that equates to yet another all-nighter, breaking the back of whatever assignment happens to be on the plate at the time. I miss the old days, of late night discussions over no subject in particular, of the cynical, decadent arm-chair critique of the world around us. But the old days are gone and in the same breath that I weep for a youth wasted in idleness, I steel myself to put the time left to me to better use. As a wise friend once said in a thoughtful moment: "The hope of the future lies with those who have more tomorrows than yesterdays".

I suppose I should confess this, before the Inquisitor extracts it from me upon pain of thumbscrew: I went to watch a movie on the way back to Hall. It was an action movie, filled with excitingly choreographed fight scenes and more cheese than the Dutch lady has hidden under her considerable bonnet. It was House of Fury. I want my 2 hours of life back.

It was something I would without a doubt have enjoyed to no end when I was 14. Which is understandable considering it is supposed to be a show pitched at the kung-fu hungry young teen crowd with nothing better to do than watch cheesy HK kung fu movies. What is less understandable is why the cinema seemed only half filled by said young teenies and the other half of the viewing patrons seemed to be people (individuals and groups, with the odd couple thrown in) in their twenties and thirties.

I thought I was sad, now I know that I am but one sad person in a world of sad people. I still want my 2 hours of life back. I didn't even find the chick in the film 'hot'. Young chicks in kung fu films are supposed to be drop-dead hot arn't they? Doing butterfly kicks and having the camera linger on them for just 3 seconds longer as they settle, cobra-like, into their "now momma means business" kung fu stance while in the final, climatic cat fight scene where hot heroine chick beats the stuffing out of super cheesy leather jacket wearing villian chick who has about 2 speaking lines in a 2 hour movie, one was:

"tell me where the money / nuclear warhead / thing of immense value to my paraplegic wheelchair-bound boss is."

the other line was roughly:

"...Urrrrgggghhhhhh...."

This happened after a particularly impressive martial arts exchange between heroine and leather jacket chick villian, and is uttered just after the heroine uses her "open-a-can-of-woop-azz (tm)" move for the final time.

Alex asked me once why I didn't keep a blog. I told him (roughly) that I felt my thoughts were not appropriate to be written down. Now, reading back upon three entries, I would like to officially change that response. I seem to have very few thoughts worthy of recording for posterity in the first place! All i seem to be doing is whine about the sorry state of my existence as a finely tuned, highly evolved organic device for converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. I think i will have to hand in my Wannabe Philosophers' Club card, just like I have had to hand in my Unapologetic Computer Game Stress Tester card when i started working in earnest last year.

Being so negative all the time is bad, i must find something happy to write about every day. Let's start with today...

(ah... found something happy...)

There is a bug crawling across my table.... and there is no rest for the wicked.

My life in a box

2005-04-02T04:50:00.000+08:00

Went home this morning to rest. Opened the front door and stepped into even more of a construction site than I'm used to seeing at home (long story...). In any event, there were chaps pottering around the house whitewashing the walls and ceiling, plus Dad had taken leave from work that day to supervise a few things, not the least of which was moving my books from their comfy homes on the shelves in my room into boxes. Not just my books, my CDs, my files- almost everything.

I think i should have stayed in Hall this weekend. Ah, but then I have not bittorrent in hall, so we return to the matter of my life in a box.

I'm worth 6 boxes of books, 2 boxes of clothes, 3 boxes of other assorted miscellaneous junk. I probably have too many clothes. Every year i make an effort to throw stuff out, only to replace it with more stuff that gets categorised into the "i'll take this to my grave" sentimental value bracket.

Newsflash !!

i just noticed what I identify to be a bed bug crawling across my desk... squished it and it made a surprising loud but nonetheless pleasently crunchy sound. Not like the disappointing squish you get when you step on an ant, nor like the traumatic guilt wrenching crack of a snail's shell underfoot. It had the right pitch and duration as the exoskeleton gave way under the monstrous murderous pressure of my finger covered in tissue paper. I'd normally not squish bugs, nor would i take such perverse pleasure in commenting on it's death... but it's a BED BUG. It could have been living it's foul existence by feeding of my life blood! At least this one got a written mention after it died. Normally i'd just chuck it in the bin.

/End Newsflash

Now then... have two pieces of school work that beckon to me, i really want to play tennis on Sunday and i'm going to be chased out of my room tomorrow when the army of white washers needs to spread some Philadelphia Light on my ceiling. I better get this done before the procrastination imp in the corner of my eye sinks his teeth into me.

Note to self: If Hall had bittorrent access, I wouldn't come home at all... says so much about home... i want my own place.... save up for it... get it before you're 40.

To everything there is a beginning...

2005-04-01T14:47:00.000+08:00

Yes, and so the saying went.

In truth, I was inspired to begin this endeaviour by Alextine's English blog assignment. A diabloical idea by his English teacher; everyone starts a blog, writes something in it every day (upon pain of hamster death) and so they get conned into doing some reflective or recount writing every day, teacher gets to take note of writing and linguistic areas for improvement, all while circumventing the myriad banes of English teachers that include(to name but three) 1) physically collecting work from the class 2) having to read the varieties of migraine inducing student handwriting and 3) necessarily needed to make annotated corrections. Oh, and with all the IT "MasterPlan" lingo that's being thrown around in Singaporean education circles today, having students do regular work online (ala asynchronus online interactivity) must sure score points in some evaluation form somewhere.

Yes, so I have Alextine to thank for kicking my sorry behind out of lurker-dom and into the glaring light of internet literary exhibitionism, having been a blog voyuer for as many years as i've been a surfer. The irony of payback will be telling, as I am sure i will surely learn over the following months as my own unguarded and all-too random thoughts are paraded like socks on the laundry line.

The trouble with first entries, is that there is some expection of revelation. A paradigmatic insight into one of the world's philosophical problems, or the revelation of some adage that may be quoted by sages for aeons afterwards. Well, maybe not for a blog... and certainly not from a lvl 1 slime like myself. I'm barely sentient!

And on that note, i shall indulge my baser needs and try to get some sleep. I must avoid the temptation to ramble, yes... avoid-ramble. Short, succint good. Ramble long, bad. Very bad. Very boring. My life is full of complexities, layers, shades of every hue and yet, they cannot be painted on the first canvas. I guess readers will have to come back for more... later... and therein lies the barbed hook, upon which so many of us impaled ourselves, snared to return at intervals to gourge outselves on the gossip of others' lives, written by those same others in the hope of feeding such.

Good night world, perhaps words of ill-inspired wisdom may yet appear within these pages, but tonight is not the night i issue my challenge to Socrates, Hume or Dilbert.

Shell post to hold pictures

2005-01-01T16:23:00.000+08:00

Myself in rarely-seen-poolshark incarnation.

St Jerome, as depicted in neo-classicism. He looks stressed, no?

April 2005, on the steps of Parliament House in Singapore.

At Kann's Bday party 0n 28 Aug 2005